How to keep a family on the verge of a divorce?

The wedding has recently faded, a honeymoon has passed, where you and your husband were in love and happy. And after some time, grinding in, misunderstanding of each other began, and you are ready to break off relations. Do not rush to make a radical decision. In the heat of emotion, you can destroy what is expensive. Inhale, exhale, put your thoughts in order and weigh the pros and cons.

We will not consider extreme situations when in marriage there is a threat to your life or health. The need for security is basic, and living in such a relationship is completely impossible. If the reasons are different - there is no understanding in matters of everyday life, parenting, lack of financial, philosophical knowledge and so on, then perhaps you should keep a family on the verge of a divorce.

The advice you hear from anyone may be valuable, but the decision is in any case yours, because only your inner feeling will help you find the right answer.

• First you need to decide on which of the spouses the initiative comes from. If from you, then the opportunity to carefully consider everything and correct the situation is in your hands. If the spouse proposed to disperse, you need to find out the reason. When the reason is clear and categorical, then opposition will only strengthen your mutual hostility. It happens that it’s not possible to find out the reason right away - take the time to break off relations and clarify the situation slowly.
• Imagine your life without a spouse. How do you survive the breakup? If you feel that you cannot live without it, that the break will only make you worse, then you should think about whether you need this separation.

• Listen to yourself: what feelings in you and your partner still exist? Will they help save your relationship? If both of you feel that they are uniting you, it is important to prevent parting.
• Think about what common interests still bind you, for example, housing, common business. This question arises in almost all couples. Saving a marriage just for this, you will experience one annoyance, which in the end can also lead to separation.
• The question often arises whether it is worth saving a family for the sake of children. For parents, children are the meaning of life. For children, the family is dad and mom together, and divorce for them is an incomprehensible, meaningless and hurting phenomenon. Despite this, making every effort to preserve the marriage, remember that in an atmosphere of abuse or mutual hostility of spouses, children may not be better. Also, the child can take the negative behavior of the parents as a sample and bring it in the future to their family.

Building is harder than destroying, and restoring broken relationships is not an easy job. But if you have something to save, then this work is worth the effort, and you can discourage your companion from divorce. The main thing to be done is to establish contact and conduct a dialogue. This skill, which can and should be learned, will help restore any, not just family relationships.

Suppose a husband is dissatisfied with his wife’s cooking, and she spins from morning to evening as usual: from the evening she will cook for meals, including the next day, in the morning she will take the children to kindergarten, go to work herself, and after work, picking up the children, she comes tired and starts cooking again and feed everyone. But in the conversation of the spouses, it turns out that it is more important for the husband to prepare a hot breakfast and have breakfast with him, and it is not necessary to meet him from work with dinner, since he himself can warm the food. As a result, the husband got what he wanted, and the wife is pleased that in the evening there was time to relax and chat with the family.

Talk heart to heart with your companion. To do this, calm down and choose the right moment. Because if you communicate on emotions or in a hurry, you are unlikely to understand each other, and you can tell your partner troubles and get even more angry. It is necessary not only to persuade him, but to clarify the causes of the conflict and ways to resolve it.

Both are often responsible for worsening relationships. When a partner sees that they are listening and understanding or trying to understand, he is more likely to listen to your point of view. Then convincing him not to get divorced will be easier.

In a calm and friendly tone, explain your position. Try to convey what you don’t like without complaints and insults. An even conversation background will help to understand the situation better than a skirmish with offensive words.

Even the closest people will project their beliefs on your situation, and you can make a decision not in accordance with your views.

When painful issues are discussed and important decisions are made, agree on their implementation (you can even fix them in writing in the form of an agreement or a joint action plan). So both of you will know for which part of your relationship each of you is responsible, and this agreement will guarantee your peace of mind in this particular area. Returning to the cooking example: the wife, now knowing her husband’s needs and considering her own (perhaps she is a “morning person” and it’s easier to cook everything in the morning, and better to relax in the evening), promises to cook in the morning and relax in the evening.And the spouse agrees to buy products on the way from work instead of her, so that his missus really has free time for evening relaxation.

Almost all families go through a period when the first strong feelings for each other cool down and the spouses begin to notice not only advantages, but also disadvantages. Both of you need to know that this process is almost inevitable (unless you approach a cold-headed marriage or calculation) and be prepared for such a turn of events. It’s great if you trust each other so much that you can calmly discuss such situations, this will help you keep your spouse. If not, then you need to learn sincere communication and trust.

But this all the same happened, and your husband, who was still in a hurry from work with cake for his beloved one yesterday, comes today, flops himself in a chair by the TV and does not even kiss you on the cheek. Or the wife who accompanied you in the mornings and blew off dust particles from your suit, now is engaged only in herself and children.

Surely you were together in your dreams. To be together, to help, to support each other - this is the meaning of the family.

Return to your discussion or mentally (if you feel better so far) by the time it was still romantic. What has changed since then in you, in your life? Often, changes in relationships occur with the birth of children. A woman in this period is almost completely surrendered to the maternal feeling. When the husband is also imbued with paternal feelings, then they are both immersed in joyful cares for the child. And when a man has not yet matured internally to paternity, then he will perceive a decrease in self-care painfully and may even be jealous of his wife for the baby.

The task of the spouses in this case is to be sensitive to each other.

Give each other a little warmth with participation, concern for the companion’s state of mind: “How is your mood?”, “What's new?”.

If it so happened that you were united by passion, and not something deeper, then start looking for this deeper. Visit creative exhibitions, museums, cinema, performances together, start studying developing literature, watch interesting videos. Deliberately make your joint leisure productive. And, perhaps, not only leisure - what if your interests develop into hobby and main activity?

The main thing is to understand each other and to pay attention to the needs of the partner during the period when your feelings decrease. Perhaps your well-groomed appearance is important to him, or maybe he needs to be useful, to be able to be alone or just to thank and acknowledge.

Betrayal of a loved one and the pain of betrayal is difficult to forgive and forget. Emotions are bursting, and I want to throw them out, but the thought still works and you understand that the husband has not gone to another, which means that you and the family are more important to him.

Pause, catch your breath. Now you can reflect and think about how to live on.

If the answer is yes, then we will discuss further actions.

• Talk to him, let him explain.
• More often than not, a woman wants to scandal: "He got into a mess, and I will still lisp with him!" Out of emotions, of course, is necessary, but it is important not to overdo it.
• Debriefing scenes should not be repeated - they get tired and leave. It is enough to scream your feelings once.In the future, just calmly discuss the situation.
• Together, look for the cause of infidelity in your relationship. They may be your jealousy or neglect of your spouse, routine, lack of trust in a relationship.

• Consider his reasonable arguments and, if this is your mistake, try not to repeat it.
• Designate your position, and, making sure you understand, get an agreement to change what does not suit you in your relationship.
• This conversation should concern only the two of you, if you do not want others to unwittingly hurt you in the future with their gossip.
• Remember that the basis of a trusting relationship is only goodwill, it is impossible to force someone to do as you want. Therefore, patience is your main tool in restoring the family hearth.

Building a family hearth is a process, and, as already mentioned, this is not an easy task. But since you thought about preserving it, then you are ready to join in this process and become the creator of your destiny.

The following are the advice of a psychologist on how to maintain harmony in the family.

• When troubles happen, try not to go into yourself for a long time, but discuss the problem with your spouse. Being alone is sometimes necessary, but lingering in oneself will not add understanding. Having mentally put the situation on the shelves, share your thoughts and feelings with the faithful. Moments of in-depth conversations will add confidence to your family and help protect you from frustration.
• Mark your shortcomings and eradicate them. For example, it can be unhealthy jealousy, pride or, conversely, insecurity. All of us are more or less susceptible to such feelings, and in marriage they become more noticeable. Treat this as an opportunity to know yourself and change for the better.
• Take care of yourself, about your appearance. A healthy attention to your appearance and a well-groomed appearance, including at home, will help to avoid the temptation of your spouse to compare you with other, more well-groomed women. If you are interesting to yourself, you will be interesting to the partner.

• Look for yourself in a diverse world of hobbies and interests. This can be both cooking, needlework and home design, as well as the study of scientific materials in various fields, including in the field of psychology. Huge opportunities for development are now provided by the Internet, with the condition of its intended use.
• The search for common ground for common goals, values, interests, and hobbies will help prevent disagreements. They can be: raising children, traveling, creating a common cause, building a house, social activity, etc.
• Do not forget that one of the goals of any family is caring for each other. And, putting such values ​​as making money or achieving only material goals in the foreground, one can lose the very meaning of the family. The phrase “family hearth” implies the possibility for family members to stop at least for a while and be together: someone at a common cause, someone at conversations or fuss with children, chat, share their concerns or just sit in silence, hugging each other.

• Caring for your family, you need to remember about yourself, about your desires, needs. This is necessary for you to feel like a whole person, and not a mixture of the desires of children and a husband. It is also necessary for your family. A wife and mother who knows what she wants, which means she loves and takes care of herself, is a calm and joyful mother, such a mother is able to give warmth and love and she wants to be with her.

You can save a family on the verge of a divorce. To do this, you first need to make sure that you need to maintain and the hardness of your decision. After that, you can build relationships through dialogue and listening skills. After discussing the situation, do not forget to agree on the new rules in your family for the changes to take effect. Now, tune in to tireless work on yourself and your relationships, and peace and understanding will surely reign in your family.

See how to keep a happy family in the next video.