The most common causes of divorce

In the modern world, views on marriage have become more free. The concluded union can be terminated by agreement of the parties or at the initiative of one of the spouses. In some cases, such an outcome gives rise to a new, happier life. Sometimes a break brings pain and deep depression. What are the reasons pushing married people to divorce?

The first 3 years of marriage are a very difficult test for the newly formed couple. It is especially difficult to get used to living together for those who did not have the opportunity to live together during the period of premarital relations. Statistical studies have shown that in the early years of family life, about 40% of couples diverge.

More often, the decision to divorce is made by young spouses. People under 30 years old have not yet fully formed goals; they have a tendency to impulsivity. Couples can decide to start a family, and then to divorce in a fairly short time, succumbing to emotions.

However, those who entered into a marriage after 30 years are not always able to preserve it. At this age, people often get divorced due to the fact that it is more difficult for them to enter new social roles and accept the individuality of the one with whom life is now shared. Being a mature personality, it is not always possible to change your negative aspects of character, habits that can annoy a partner.

As for our country, the main causes of divorce, according to research, at the moment are the lack of readiness for living together, alcoholism, treason.

• Social immaturity, incompatibility of character, excessively early marriage. In short, unreadiness for family life. This is the reason for more than 40% of marriage breakups in Russia. This problem is expressed in untidy life, mutual insults, humiliations, conflicts. All this, in a fairly short time, leads partners to a decision to sever relations.
• A very serious disaster is alcoholism or some other addiction of one of the spouses. Alcoholics inflict severe pain on their loved ones. Often the behavior of such a person is inadequate and aggressive. If a person does not find the strength in himself to cope with this, life with him becomes almost unbearable.
• In third place among the reasons for divorce is treason of one of the spouses.

The main reason leading to the breakup of the couple is the divergence of characters and interests. Especially often, a similar problem is formed in early marriages. Not having time to get to know each other well, but yielding to feelings and impressions, the partners rushed to the registry office. And starting a life together, inevitably began to be disappointed in each other.

Very different views, moral values ​​and beliefs seriously alienate people from each other. The absence of common interests makes pleasant joint leisure impossible or it is carried out separately: a wife in the theater, a husband in football. Or one of the spouses constantly sacrifices his wishes and inclinations.

Differences in character also lead to serious disagreements in everyday matters. And the most common occasions for family quarrels and scandals are precisely connected with the conduct of a joint life and economy. Also, conflicting attitudes inevitably confront spouses with their foreheads on the issue of raising children.

The marriage can break up due to the fact that the partners are very different in age. With a significant difference in years and experience, it is almost impossible to hope for mutual understanding and the presence of common interests in a couple. A younger partner is still full of energy and wants an interesting, eventful life. And an aged person is prone to peace and constancy of life.

The career of a husband or wife may stand in the way of marriage. A similar reason for divorce is very common in Europe and the United States. In our country, the working conditions are such that a woman often lacks personal time. In such conditions, there is no need to talk about responsible and serious upbringing of the child. Therefore, at the risk of losing a good position, a woman often lingers in order to give her spouse children, which, in turn, can significantly cool feelings and push a man to break.

The unwillingness of the child by one of the spouses can be identified as a separate reason. This may not be related to a career or financial situation. Often young men are in no hurry to have children, because they see in him a kind of burden for the family.

Men often react painfully to the appearance of a child. Especially if the baby was not planned. Many husbands are completely unprepared for the role of father. Or they are annoyed that the children are pulling the spouse's attention to themselves. A fairly large number of families break up with the advent of the first child.

To divorce a couple can push financial problems. In this regard, the situation may have several options.

• The husband does not earn enough and the family has a precarious financial situation. At the same time, the wife cannot find a decent job or is on maternity leave.
• The husband has a large income, and the wife does not work at all, but takes a lot of money for her personal expenses. Such a situation may eventually bother the breadwinner of the family.There will be a desire to throw off the parasite from their contentment.
• A wife earns a lot more than her husband. Although in modern society, the leadership of men is no longer so necessary, but many representatives of the strong sex adhere to old views. Considering that the family should be provided precisely by its head, some men cannot accept the financial success of their wife. This infringes on their pride and pride.
• The husband does not work at all and the family contains the wife. Sometimes a man can’t find a job for himself, he often quits. Alcoholism or health problems can also make finding a decent job very challenging. A woman in such a situation is forced to rely only on herself. Nursing wives often decide to divorce and keep only children.

• Inability to speak confidentially with spouse, accumulation of negative emotions. It happens that a wife and a husband have accumulated unexpressed claims and grievances for many years. But this does not guarantee "quietness and smoothness" in a relationship. The accumulation of negativity leads to outbreaks of rage and frustration over trifles. Then the husband, dissatisfied with something completely different, will scream strongly at his wife because of some trifle such as under-salted soup or a badly folded shirt. At the same time, he will throw out all his indignation, using insults and abuse.
• The same goes for women. Sometimes the spouse cannot understand why the wife is inflated and finds fault with trifles. But in fact, the family does not have trust and normal communication. Claims are hushed up and accumulate in the form of nervous tension and mutual irritation. Thus, quarrels and scandals occur more often. This atmosphere in the family ultimately pushes spouses to a decision on divorce.
• Matter, falsehood and mutual distrust of spouses - This is a very good reason for ending a relationship. Sooner or later, any deception is revealed, causing pain to the one who was deceived. It is very difficult to live in an atmosphere of mutual distrust. The wife is constantly forced to wonder if the husband really stayed at work or went to see his parents. The husband also begins to check his spouse for any reason.

• Psychological oppression, moral pressure, a clear desire to dominate the partner in everything. Most often, men are prone to this. Some husbands consider it normal to be rude to a wife, to say offensive words to her for any reason. A sense of ownership pushes the spouse to limit the freedom of his companion. Often, even contacts with old friends may be forbidden to the wife. In this case, married life becomes like a real cell. A modern woman is likely to be able to find the strength in herself to flee from her.
• Parents of one of them may interfere in the relationship of the spouses. It happens that mom and dad initially do not approve of the choice of their child. To prove their case and instruct “on the true path,” parents set their child against the chosen one or chosen one.

• If violence is practiced in the family, such a union cannot be called happy. The behavior of the aggressor is very difficult to change by persuasion and requests. Often people who are prone to hot temper and physical aggression, and themselves do not quite control themselves. Only specialists can help in this case, and even then, provided that the person himself is aware of his problem and voluntarily wants to work with it.
• Treason for many is an unforgivable offense. Most can not accept the fact that the partner did this. If betrayal is repeated many times, then it is definitely not worth considering it an accident or a passing mistake.Sometimes the spouse seeks revenge on the soulmate by paying the same. This only exacerbates the situation and most often inevitably leads to divorce.
• Problems in the couple’s sex life are seriously reflected in relationships. Many people, alas, are not ready to adequately and openly talk with their partner about intimate life. Therefore, this sphere of relations between spouses often disappears and they even sleep in different beds. If sex does occur, then it does not bring satisfaction.

• Couples who have been together for many years often have a period of cooling towards each other. It is also connected with the fact that for a long time, life has become too well established and life together has become a routine. Constancy is not bad, but the complete monotony of life, observed day after day, very badly affects the overall emotional state. Having felt that life is not filled with anything interesting, a person often experiences a completely natural desire to change it. But if the one with whom this life is connected does not support him in this, there is nothing left but to look for changes outside the existing family.
• Cramped living conditions can significantly fuel the situation in the family. Sometimes more than one generation (for example, spouses, their children and elderly parents) is forced to live in a small living space. In such conditions, it is difficult to establish a normal life. The constant presence of a large number of people, even close ones, is also very depressing. Everyone has moments when he wants to be alone with himself, this is a natural psychological discharge. It is especially difficult in such conditions for those who are prone to introversion.

It is worth saying that divorce is not always a scandal, pain and a breakdown in any relationship with an ex-husband or wife. There are situations when spouses make a decision mutually and even remain friends. For a couple and for common children, this is undoubtedly the best option. However, in most cases, the initiator of the gap is one of the spouses. And then the whole process is painfully complicated, especially for those who leave.

In addition, each person reacts to the collapse of his marriage very individually. Someone quickly copes with pain and resentment, begins to live a full life and starts a new relationship. Someone, on the contrary, falls into a deep and prolonged depression. This condition is accompanied by nervous exhaustion, stress, often a man or woman in this situation turns to alcohol, thereby destroying his health.

When divorcing, it is very important to think about its consequences for children. Leaving mom or dad's family for them is not an easy test. Do not think that, due to age, they understand little and feel little. Sometimes children get serious psychological trauma in such situations. It is very important that your relationship after the break is minimally reflected on them. Discuss with your spouse how you will present this to the children. Try to explain what is happening, taking into account their age.

Depending on the specific situation, divorce can be both for the good and the detriment. A mutually agreed, balanced decision to divorce is often still beneficial. For former spouses, this is a chance to start a new life, find a more suitable partner.

In any case, in a situation where life together is clearly not happy, and attempts to establish it were unsuccessful, divorce is really the only way out.It makes no sense to force yourself to cohabit until the end of days with someone you don’t love, who insults, hurts or constantly changes. This applies to both men and women.

The other side of the divorce is related to the impulsiveness of one of the spouses. Succumbing to the impulse and emotions, he or she announces his decision. In this case, the second partner literally collapses life. He needs to quickly rebuild the plans and dreams associated with the second half, to accept what will not be the same as before. For many, this is not easy.

Although divorce is a difficult period, it is by no means the end of life. One of the wisdom reads: “When one door closes in front of you, another opens nearby.” After a divorce, try not to get stuck in the past, but to rebuild your life and find new activities.

If you yourself were the initiator of a divorce, and your partner takes it hard, do not reproach yourself. You have the right to control your life. If this decision has been weighed and you are confident in it, no one should restrain you.

Whatever the reasons for the break, any of them is based on a lack of mutual understanding, inability to communicate and accept each other, lack of moral mutual assistance and tolerance. These qualities are important in any area of ​​life, and are simply necessary in marriage.