All About Shyness

Insolence is considered the second happiness, and shyness makes a person unhappy. So says the popular wisdom. This is often true. Especially when shyness turns into a painful condition in which a person is constantly. You should understand how to distinguish pathological shyness from shyness and overcome pathology.

In psychology, a shy person is described as the individual is fearful, overly shy, fearing various life situations. Some, when describing a shy individual, even talk about the refinement of his manners, call this character trait a sign of chastity. Sometimes a shy person is called a shy person. However, this is not always the same.

The meaning of the word “shy” can be better understood if we study its origin. Such a person seems to live behind a wall that hides him from everyone else. She is a symbol and guarantor of his safety. Checking who is actually a sick person or just a modest citizen is quite simple.

Symptoms of the manifestation of the pathology are as follows:

• fear of communication;
• fear of appearance in society, it is also called sociophobia;
• fear of committing a noticeable act;
• fear of condemnation;
• inability to smile, especially to strangers;
• lack of communication skills with unfamiliar or strangers.

In addition, in a shy person you can easily notice the following symptoms:

• awkwardness in communication;
• stiffness of thoughts and actions;
• silence
• self-doubt;
• tendency to mental torment or even depression;
• secrecy, isolation, constant desire to retire.

The difference between shyness and shyness can be compared with an abyss. A humble person will never dye his hair green; a shy person will be afraid of even the slightest change in image. He examines any of his actions with the eyes of others. What others will say, he is more concerned about his own opinions and desires.

A humble person also thinks of those who are nearby, but from different positions. He is polite to those around him. Not rude and not rude, but shy capable of the most vicious statements, only they will be directed exclusively to his own "I".

The interconnection of the two concepts, of course, exists. Yesterday’s modest man tomorrow may become a pathologically shy individual. But this is far from always the case. It all depends on where this or that character trait came from.

An effective and truthful diagnosis of shyness can only be given by a specialist. It is difficult for a person to understand the degree of his alienation from society and where it comes from. Moreover, often the habit of hiding behind an invisible or quite tangible wall is born in childhood.

When mom or dad constantly scolding his child for any, even the most insignificant fault, he sooner or later, most likely, will "withdraw into himself." The same thing can happen with a modest child who is “pressed” by a teacher or a group of peers. Often in the abyss of shyness a person is pushed by circumstances in which he finds himself at the wrong time and in the wrong place. For example, grandparents and parents want to see him as a virtuoso musician or Olympic champion, but the kid can neither master the violin nor skate, thereby causing criticism from adults and a lot of negative emotions inside him.

As a result, it turns out to be unnecessary to neither itself nor others. Over the years, his insecurity is only growing. He has no friends, because everything around him seems more successful and talented. He is afraid of his own opinion, because it seems to him that it a priori cannot be true.

In addition to hidden talents, some parents try to find external data in their children. It seems to each of them that it is their baby that is not only the smartest, but also the most beautiful. Or, in extreme cases, the ugly duckling will certainly make a beautiful swan. Moms lead their daughters to fashion schools, dads give tots to serious football clubs. Since in the modern world both of these can most often be done only for money, parents who have them are rarely refused.

As a result, among quite athletic boys, the peanut is 2 times wider than them and for this reason does not show at least some success. A very talented, but without much charm, the girl remains in the shadow of her more spectacular peers. Over time, this shadow with a high degree of probability becomes a wall that protects an adult from the whole world.

Another common way to instill an inferiority complex is the exact opposite of the above: when “caring” mothers and daddies or grandmothers and grandfathers do not refuse anything to their beloved child. As a result, the child by grade 5 weighs like an adult, but he does not know anything about adult responsibilities.

He is neither able to clean his own room, nor to learn his own lessons, nor even to take out the trash. His peers always make fun of him.He does not want to communicate with them either at school or beyond, and transfers this estrangement to adulthood, in which he has no one to help, which means that he is provided with loneliness and mental problems.

There are, of course, more objective reasons for becoming shy. At least they seem so at first glance. We are talking about physical disabilities - congenital or acquired as a result of accidents or other accidents. Often people with disabilities feel like outcasts. Although there are pleasant exceptions to the rules.

One of the most striking such examples is the Australian Nicholas James Vuychich. He was born with a rare disease, without arms and legs. However, this did not prevent him from becoming one of the most famous motivators in the world for people with disabilities, a writer and a singer. In addition, he is happy in his personal life. He and his wife raise 2 sons and 2 twin daughters. By the way, all the children of Vuychich are absolutely healthy.

Shyness is not always a problem. She begins to create a real threat when she turns from a sweet character trait into a lifestyle. Sometimes mild shyness can be a positive factor in social adaptation. For example, a modest sweet girl would rather like a boss at an age than her assertive and brightly colored competitor. However, this is the exception rather than the rule.

More often, a shy person lives as if in a vacuum of his fears and fears. You can’t even say that something is unsuccessful for him. After all, he does not even make attempts to realize himself in any of the spheres of life.

It is not easy for such a person to find a companion (companion) of life, it’s practically unrealistic, well, unless, of course, all the same caring relatives find an option. A shy person cannot find a common language with a potential soul mate. In principle, he is not looking for him, as he is afraid to raise his eyes once again to representatives of the opposite sex.

In such people it’s not good to find a family even in dreams. It seems to them that it is better to be left alone than to experience failure or condemnation from others or loved ones.

Shy is not necessarily a stupid person. He can have a great education. But he cannot put his knowledge into practice, as he is afraid to stumble. Nobody reveals his hidden talents and over time they find themselves buried deeper and deeper.

A shy person will never be the initiator of creating something new, he will not try anything innovative because of the same fear of mistakes. For him, a step to the left or right is an attempt to escape from oneself, comparable to jumping into the abyss without insurance. Therefore, most often people who are shy remain overboard of successful companies or remain in them at very prestigious positions.

Remember the joke, when a woman answers the question of where she works, she says that she is in the bank and only then adds that she is cleaning the financial institution? But in fairness it must be said that this lady is not from a timid dozen.

Before you start the fight against shyness, you need to understand how much it has taken possession of man. Ideally, to do this, you need to contact a specialist. But at the initial stage, you can try to cope with the complex yourself. You need to clearly understand what your shyness leads you to and what your new opposite will contribute to.

Write on the sheet what you want to achieve. Make a list of obstacles that prevent you from moving forward. Your task is to reduce both the list as soon as possible. Let's start with the second one. To do this, it is recommended to perform several steps.

• Be in public more often try talking to the seller in the market or at the nearest store.
• Change habitual places of your stay, go to the new mall, not the nearest supermarket.
• Visit the exhibition, go to the cinema or theater. You can’t do it alone, be afraid of slanting looks - take your girlfriend, mom or beloved aunt with you. The main thing - do not sit at home.
• Sign up for a cutting and sewing circle, a dance studio or gym - whatever you like. The main thing is to change your environment and environment as often as possible.
• Embark on a journey. It is advisable where you have not been before. After all, the language will not only bring to Kiev, but also help get rid of complexes.
• Minimize Your Online Communication. By the way, according to many experts, he only contributes to the spread of the symptom of shyness around the world. People forget how to talk, looking eye to eye. It’s easier for them to tell the problems to an unknown virtual interlocutor than to a childhood friend. So get back from virtuality to reality.
• To learn how to speak convincingly, both for others and for yourself, take a course in oratory, speak aloud more often. Learn poetry and prose and recite them to begin with at least in front of a mirror.

However, parting with shyness requires changing not only actions, but also the direction of the train of thought, as well as lifestyle and behavior. You must force yourself to think differently. IN in particular, learn to perform certain actions.

• Do not think of people worse than they really are. Look around for positive traits, not negative ones.
• During the dialogue, do not “pull the blanket over you”, but also do not give all the reins of government to the interlocutor. Remember: all participants are responsible for the outcome of the conversation.
• Become more affable to everything that surrounds you. Start saying “good morning” to the bird outside the window, then smile at the fellow traveler in public transport or at the wheel of a citizen who is standing next to a traffic jam.
• Be courteous to both acquaintances and strangers. This will not only help you integrate more easily into society, but also set it up positively towards you.
• Stop pretending nobody around existsand no one interests you.
• Let humor into your life, learn to react to what is happening around with a smile. No wonder they say that laughter not only prolongs life. A sense of humor will help to cope with the most difficult situations and get out of them with his head held high.
• Your goals and objectives should be doable. Do not raise the bar of desires too high. This threatens another collapse in their own eyes.
• Goodbye to mistakes. They are not made only by one who does nothing at all. Do not turn every failure into a universal problem. Give yourself the right to make a mistake.

But you have no right to “dissolve” yourself. You must look perfect. Hairstyle, type of nails, clothes - everything should give you confidence and at the same time inspire it to you. Throw away your old jeans, change your image in the end. Do not be afraid of experiments with appearance, just do not bend. You should look good, not extravagant.

Do auto training as often as possible. Ask as many questions as possible to yourself and others. But what can not be done in any case is to look for their own kind. It often happens that a shy person finds an even more “gray mouse” and now, against its background, he is a real cat. But this is just self-deception, which will not only not solve the problem, but will aggravate it. To lie, including to oneself, is bad and even unhealthy.