The birth of a relationship with a loved one is always wonderful: romantic meetings, first timid kisses, gifts and long walks around the city. But life is an ambiguous and indirect thing, not everything in it succeeds exactly as it was wanted or imagined. And now you already know for sure that you can’t continue relations with this guy. There is nothing wrong with such a balanced decision, but there is only one problem - how to tell the young man that you need to leave.
Eyes to eyes
The best and most respectful way of telling you to break up is to have a quiet, personal conversation. But it is he who requires great courage. Girls often can not decide to speak frankly with a young man and for a long time postpone such a conversation.
If you really had sincere feelings and a trusting relationship, do not be afraid. In a personal meeting, you will see the guy’s reaction and better able to find the words. Do not forget about his feelings - try to sincerely console him after you inform about your decision. For such a conversation, it is better not to choose those places that are both dear to you and evoke any memories. A quiet cafe or a bench in the park is suitable. Make an appointment for a time when there will be at least strangers around you.
Try to ponder the words you are going to say. You can even write several options and choose the most gentle and tactful. Do not mask the reason for breaking up with phrases like “you deserve the best and you will definitely find one” or “I am too bad for you and you will be disappointed in me”.Tell us about the reasons for breaking up honestly, but without unnecessary traumatic details, especially if you have feelings for another man.
Be calm when you meet and control your emotions. If your young man himself is emotional, the more show firmness. It happens that a guy at such moments tries to manipulate and arouse pity in order to beg for another chance. In this case, firmly repeat your decision, but do not offend or rudely repel your former partner. Remember that your decision is unexpected for him - give him time to accept it.
The mistake of many girls is too soft and ambiguous formulations: "probably we will not be together anymore", "most likely, I found a new love", "do not despair, it can still change." Such ambiguity does not indicate the firmness of your decision, but gives the young man false hope. You should not take away from the ex-boyfriend the time he wants to spend on trying to get you back. Yes, and it will be difficult for you to fend off SMS, calls and messages on social networks with various hints, invitations to cafes and other signs of attention.
In order to save both yours and his time, articulate your decision clearly and make it clear that this is irrevocable.
Revelation on paper
A somewhat outdated, but not as dry and formal as smsk's way of telling a young man about a breakup is a paper letter. If you still couldn’t decide to talk, write down your thoughts on paper.
Why is this somewhat better than short sms? Firstly, in a note you will be able to more fully and voluminously express thoughts and argue your decision. Secondly, the guy will know that you took the time to write a letter, and it will not look like a banal short reply. This will show your respect for the former young man.
Yes, for many, this way of communication seems outdated. Here you need to take into account the habits and worldview of your young man. If a paper letter dropped in a box or transmitted through mutual friends is unacceptable in your case, you can update your message.
An alternative is to send the message by e-mail or in personal messages of social networks. But don't be too brief. Try to speak as if you were next to a young man and talking to him personally.
Talking on the phone
Your voice and your intonation will say better than typed letters. You can replace a personal meeting with a phone call and a remote conversation.
After voicing the decision to leave, a guy may have questions to which you will answer him, being in touch with him.
It’s also worth preparing for a telephone conversation. As in the case of a personal meeting, note with what words you will inform your young man of unpleasant news. Tactfully and calmly tell him that you are not comfortable.
Through mutual friends
It’s worth mentioning right away that shifting to others the message that you want to part with a young man is the most undesirable option. Not only do they know this before him, but even in parting, you do not even dignify your ex-boyfriend with any attention. However, in some cases, girls resort to this method of breaking. They fear too violent reactions or excessive emotions, protecting themselves from similar in this way.
If you nevertheless decided on just such an option, it is better to turn to his friends, or rather, to the best friend. A good friend is closest to your boyfriend emotionally - he will definitely try to do it in the most gentle way and will be able to support if necessary.
Do not communicate your decision to a wide circle of people. Talk in private with the closest person with whom your boyfriend has the most trusting relationship. Briefly explain the reasons for him to pass them on.
To help myself and him
- Do not delay in order to inform the guy about your decision, because you have to lie and pretend all this time. In addition, by delaying parting, you are stealing from your young man time for experiencing and emotional recovery after the end of a relationship.
- If a guy is blackmailing you with suicide or other serious actions, do not provoke him, but do not rush to fulfill his demands unconditionally. Chat with his friends and parents, find out his real condition. Perhaps this is just a demonstrative attempt at blackmail and manipulation. Otherwise, communicate his words and intentions to loved ones. They will be able to make an objective decision on the advisability of contacting psychological services.
- Do not gossip, do not gossip about your ex. He revealed the secret secrets and weaknesses only to you, because he trusted. He does not deserve their general declassification among your mutual acquaintances.
- If you are really confident in your decision, do not reproach yourself after parting. Not all relationships are destined to develop into a long family union. But you still couldn’t be able to deceive and pretend for many years. By breaking up relationships in which you do not see prospects, you give your boyfriend a chance and a new life.
- Try to shorten any contacts and reminders about yourself to your ex-boyfriend. Give him time to cool.
- Sometimes a young man after parting tries to go on a trick: offers to remain friends and continue communication. This option is very good, because you have known each other for a long time, and it makes no sense to completely break off any communication. However, be careful: perhaps, during “friendly” meetings or correspondence, the young man will still act as a boyfriend. And this will stretch the time of parting and take both of you a lot of moral strength.
In the case of a friendship offer, tell the guy that you do not mind communicating in the future. However, in the near future it is still better to exclude contacts in order to accept each other in a new capacity and to establish their personal life.
