The psychology of family relations between husband and wife

Family relationships are not an easy matter, which not every psychologist can often figure out. Here it is necessary to analyze not only the circumstances that arose at any moment of the problems between the husband and wife, but also the entire history of their relationship. And you need to start, most likely, since the time of mutual love. The roots most often grow from there. They began to incorrectly create their relationships at an early stage in the emergence of a family - and now they are reaping the benefits.

The foundation of any healthy human relationship is trust, honesty, mutual respect. These qualities or their absence are especially pronounced in the family - without them it will not last long. Of course, young people are united by love. If their love is disinterested and unconditional, then it will be the main factor that holds the family together and helps to pass through any trials.

The psychology of family relations distinguishes the following main types of family relations:

• Affiliate - they can still be called cooperation, when relations are built on an equal footing. The best and most stable form of relationship.
• Competition - A completely healthy way of relations, when spouses compete in achieving common goals, provided that they maintain goodwill. Otherwise, they can develop into rivalry.
• Competition - manifested in the desire of the spouses to dominate each other.In this type of relationship, it is difficult for partners to come to a consensus on common interests; rather, everyone takes care of their own. This greatly undermines family unity.
• Antagonism - The sharp confrontation between partners, outgrowing from competitive relations. Such a family is preserved only for good external reasons, internally, nothing unites it already, relations are breaking up.

In addition to the classical types of interpersonal relations, in the family there are also relations based on the game of jealousy, silence, adaptation. Silence is when all discontent is diligently silent only for the sake of maintaining relations. There are situations when families exist on a contract basis.

Relationships based on adaptation may be different. One of the spouses may seek protection or play the role of savior, victim or executioner. And also quite often in a relationship of this kind, the husband treats his wife as a servant or housekeeper.

In relations under a contract, the calculation is primarily material or moral. Such marriages are based on an oral or written contract.

Family crises most often arise for the following reasons.

• Unjustified expectations on one or both sides (more often material plan, sometimes spiritual). In such a family, one of the spouses has a one-sided view of the obligation to provide for the family. He or she imagined that their half would make them financially richer: provide things, housing, travel, and so on.
• The contradiction of views on housekeeping. For example, a man expects that, like in his parental family, his wife will serve him in the kitchen, and she, considering him independent, allows him to take care of himself.
• Opposing views on parenting. For example, in the girl’s family, parents decided to walk with the child together, and the husband believes that this is the mother’s care. This can cause confusion in a couple.

• Routine, lack of family traditions. It happens that in the family of one of the spouses it is customary to celebrate certain holidays, to spend them in a special way, and for the second half these traditions may be unacceptable. For example: a husband is used to celebrating holidays in a restaurant with friends in a noisy company, and his wife likes to celebrate in a quiet family circle. Undoubted factors, as a result of which relations deteriorate, are monotony and everyday problems.
• The reason for the crisis can also be explained by the fact that the feelings of the spouses have cooled down. This may well happen when relations are built based on external factors: beautiful appearance, material security. If a spiritual support is initially weak in relationships (there are no common interests, hobbies, worldviews), then when the first vivid feelings cool down, a void arises in the relationship.

• The psychological climate in the family also depends on the emotional characteristics of the spouses, their difference in temperament. If one of the spouses is measured and balanced, and the other reacts violently to any trifle, then the first can quickly get tired of the emotional differences of the second.
• Sometimes a relationship breakdown occurs after the birth of a child in the family. Cold relations between spouses arise due to the fact that the young mother is fully committed to caring for the baby and pays less attention to her husband. Or the husband completely shifts the responsibility for the child to the wife, so she simply does not have time either for herself or for the husband.

Diagnosis of crises in family relationships is aimed at identifying destructive attitudes related to the manner of communication in a particular family and concern for each other’s feelings, with ways of managing and raising children, with family leisure activities, and also with responsibility for the material support of the family. And another important point in family diagnostics is the ability of partners to accept each other.

The following actions will help restore the disturbed atmosphere between family members.

• First you need to reconsider your attitude towards marriage: if it is mercantile or your marriage is contractual, then you should not expect deep feelings and commitment from your partner. Together with him, try to adjust your contract for the common good.
• Make it clear: who of you is the main part of the household chores, who is responsible for material support. In order for spouses to better understand each other, it is necessary to distribute roles, decide who is responsible for what sphere of domestic, social and financial responsibilities.
• Let your soul mate do what they love, hobby. Do not deprive her of the opportunity to be alone sometimes - this is a normal desire. And also allow yourself to be isolated at times.

• Learn to listen to your partner, letting him talk about something important or express the boiling point. Sincere communication will help melt the ice of misunderstanding between you.
• Sometimes put yourself in the place of a husband or wife - this will help you better understand him and accept his feelings.
• Remember your needs. Do not suppress your healthy interests for the sake of your spouse. Dissatisfaction can lead to depression or irritation.
• Plan a joint vacation, start family traditions. This will help maintain a harmonious relationship not only between husband and wife, but also between parents and children.

The husband must always remember that in front of him is a woman. And despite the fact that she works on a par with him or even performs some male duties, in her heart she remains fragile and vulnerable, and the male task is to protect this fragility of hers. It can be “very deep” and she herself can stop feeling her femininity, but for the sake of family happiness it is worth making an effort.

• Speak her kind words more often, only let them be sincere, real. Just do not hold back your tender feelings while they are. Do not be afraid to waste yourself. Love has the property of joy - gave a spark of warmth, and in response the flame of love. That is, women very subtly feel the manifestation of real feelings and always vividly respond to them.
• For the same reason that your wife is primarily a woman, offer to take part of her duties on yourself. You can walk with the child while she does household chores, buy groceries on the way home from work, cook breakfast, clean up from the table or something else, depending on your family life.
• Listen to the mental state of your soul mate: maybe she wants to be alone or, conversely, you are not together enough.
• Just often put yourself in the position of a spouse. Looking at the situation from the outside, it can be well considered and seen that which I did not see from my position.

In the modern world, it is not uncommon for a woman to take on male roles: she runs the organization, manages the household, and manages the husband. Many men try to hold on or win back their duties and conflicts often arise on this basis.

Therefore, to maintain harmony in family relationships, the first thing a woman needs is to change her roles from male to female.

• Let your husband provide you, not the other way around.
• Reconsider your attitude to the household - cleanliness and comfort in the house is the prerogative of the woman, and repair and rearrangement requires man's strength.
• Take care of yourself, even while on maternity leave. Men are inspired by beauty.

Let him solve the problems of family life and leisure. Even if it seems to you that he will do everything wrong. After all, a family for a man, as for you, is a place where you want to appear, create something new, bring something useful from yourself.

Learn to understand the mood of your companion and do not interfere with his desire to sometimes switch and go fishing.Do not deny yourself in your healthy interests and hobbies.

A common family mistake is shifting responsibility to a spouse or circumstances. The partner does not want to admit his mistakes, but, by manipulating, emphasizes the errors of his companion.

Consider other errors.

• Lack of pliability between spouses. If you insist only on your own, this will not help to resolve the issue, but will only increase the distance between you.
• Self-sacrifice to spouse, work, children. When someone sacrifices himself, this brings him temporary satisfaction with the need for recognition. And when recognition passes, dissatisfaction comes.

• Guidance only by material criteria. This mistake can be manifested both in a constant desire to earn more money, and in constant thoughts about work, which leads to dulling of feelings and a "mechanical" attitude towards family members.
• Imposing your will on a partner. A similar mistake is a scourge of modern relations not only in the family. Such an attitude is an attempt to erase the uniqueness of your partner, to equate it to your standards.
• Erroneous role substitution: men show passivity, relieve themselves of responsibility for the material and spiritual components of family life, and women, on the contrary, take away this responsibility.

Above were given tips on how to build relationships in the family and what a man and woman should do for this. But the work to strengthen the family does not end there. Healthy relationships are the result of the daily work of each member of the family. For those who are ready to make efforts to preserve family happiness, a characteristic of a good, favorable atmosphere in the house and tips for its preservation are given.

• Letting be. This global profile addresses a wide range of aspects of spouse relationships. Let your loved one feel and think the way he wants, let him do the way he knows how to, let him do the way he knows. And then in response you will also receive permission to be - this will create harmony in your family.
• Mutual respect. This item is a continuation of the previous one. Respect the thoughts, feelings, actions of the partner - this is what relations in the family are based on and one of the conditions for its stability.

• Support each other. A bit of physics: a table with a broken leg becomes unstable and falls to one side. Such is the nature of the relationship: in the absence of support of any supporting part - the wife or husband - the structure (family) becomes unstable. By supporting your spouse, you contribute to the reliability of your union.
• Sincerity and openness. "My home is my castle". The meaning of this saying is not only in protecting and supporting each other's family members, but also in the possibility of being open, true, as you are. Of course, this is not a one-sided need for acceptance, but also the ability to accept the sincerity of your partner.
• Mutual desire for the development of relations. The development of relationships begins with self-development. Therefore, spouses striving for harmony in the family do not wait for their partner to change, but begin with themselves. Subsequently, the other half will try to keep up with him along the path of forming the best qualities in himself.

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