How to become an interesting conversationalist?

The most important and useful skill is the ability to communicate with people and find a common language with them, since this allows not only to attract others, but also to achieve great success both in the professional and in the personal sphere. However, many cannot become good interlocutors due to self-doubt and low self-esteem. If you have a great desire, then you can change all this.

There are no identical people, so it’s easy for some to keep up the conversation and become the soul of the company, while others cannot do it, since the need to communicate with other subjects of society causes them panic. Such differences are due to the characteristics of temperament and character, which each person has his own. Positive people have the ability to quickly start a conversation on the street with strangers, they are easy to climbThey enjoy talking on any topic, they love to be in the spotlight and constantly learn something new.

Everyone can enjoy communication. For this, it is necessary not only to share feelings, informational data, but also to use intonation, facial expressions and gestures, giving the conversation a special emotional coloring. But, unfortunately, not everyone can handle this.

Typically, some barriers interfere with communication.

• Shyness. This problem is considered one of the most difficult, as shy subjects shut themselves from others on their own. The reason for this may be isolation from peers in childhood or improper upbringing in the family.
• Self-doubt. Some people constantly feel a sense of fear from communication, because they are afraid to seem too stupid and, accordingly, fall under criticism. They find it much easier to avoid talking to others.
• Inferiority complex. It is not inherent in everyone and manifests itself mainly in this way: a person wants to communicate, but prefers to just be silent, as he considers himself a constant loser. There are also people who can feel free to talk, but often because of the joy of communication tend to interrupt the interlocutor.

Today you can find many interesting books, the reading of which helps to master the secrets of communication, but it is difficult to make the right choice in favor of a particular publication. Psychologists recommend giving preference to the literature that has passed the test of time and received only positive feedback from readers.. Such books can be read by both girls and men, while it is best for children to purchase books whose authors have a psychological or pedagogical education.

Here are the most popular publications for adults.

• “Communication skill. How to find a common language with anyone » (author Paul McGee). The book describes many interesting situations in life, and there are also tips on how to stop being afraid of conversations and translate your ideas into reality.
• "How to overcome shyness" (from Philip Zimbardo). This book was written by a world-famous American psychologist who considers shyness as one of the ways to respond to emotions. To overcome all complexes in communication, he offers a whole set of exercises and practical tips.
• "How to talk with anyone" (author Mark Rhodes). This book describes how to learn to relieve stress during a conversation and deal with fears that prevent you from starting communication. In addition, the author examined in detail the main problems of modern communication.

Separately parents are encouraged to read such books: “The child learns to communicate. From birth to 5 years "(Filippova Yu. V.)," Labyrinth of the soul. Therapeutic tales ”(O. V. Khukhlaeva O. E. Khukhlaev),“ Steps of communication: from a year to six ”(L. Galiguzova E. O. Smirnova).

In order to be able to freely speak to a huge audience, maintain a normal conversation, exchange jokes at parties and quickly get to know each other on the street, you need to not only overcome your fear of communication, but also constantly develop new skills.

• Follow the conversation with gestures of the interlocutor. The main component of any conversation is considered not so much the ability to competently maintain it, as the use of non-verbal signals. Psychologists advise during a conversation to carefully analyze the facial expression, gestures and facial expressions of their interlocutor.
• Do not be afraid to ask. Most often, people like to talk about their achievements, so you can ask them leading questions, interested in success. Moreover, the questions should not be like interrogation - this will cause an uncomfortable feeling in the interlocutor.
• Learn to listen. Sometimes people during a conversation perceive information from the interlocutor superficially, begin to interrupt and transfer the conversation to other topics. Such actions can easily push a person away from you.To prevent this, you need to ask some leading questions and thereby smoothly push the interlocutor to the topic of interest.
• Control your voice. To do this, it is recommended to conduct a rehearsal at home, record your conversation and listen. You need to remember one rule in communication - none of those around you will want to continue the conversation if the intonation is fuzzy and the voice is quiet.
• Exclude all parasite words. A talking person, as a rule, does not notice how his speech is full of parasitic words. Therefore, it is necessary to increase control over the quality of the conversation, remembering the courtesy and simple standards of etiquette.
• Maximize your horizons. The subjects of society are attracted to people who seek to learn something new, since they are very interesting in communication. Being in the center of attention, it is necessary to arouse the interest of others by submitting new information. To do this, it is recommended in your free time to study new technologies, the situation in the world.

Many people are afraid of the first stages of the conversation, because they do not know what topic to start with. Some insecure people raise the topic of weather, it seems to be right, but such a topic will not be of particular interest to anyone. It can be used as the primary step of conversation, and then communication should take an expanded form. Besides, There are topics whose discussion is unacceptable.

• Politics. This topic is ambiguous and very complex, since each person has his own view of events in politics, and there is no guarantee that the opinions of the interlocutors will be identical. It often happens that the beginning of a conversation with a politician ends in a conflict situation.
• Health. This topic is considered intimate, personal and it can be discussed exclusively with loved ones. Talk about health is allowed only if the interlocutor himself has expressed a desire to discuss the problems of his health. Communicating simply with friends or colleagues, you need to forget about this topic. No one will be interested in discussing bowel disease or the appearance of acne.
• Personal life. It is strictly forbidden to climb into the inner world of another person, let alone try to give him advice, sharing his views on life and experience. For example, if you act as a third party in a conflict of two lovers, then this will not end in anything good. The conflict will be resolved independently, and the third party will remain extreme and guilty.

An important part in the life of any person is communication. Thanks to him, you can not only achieve success in your career, establish relationships with your family, but also make new friends. As you know, the cause of many divorces and conflicts in the couple is a simple inability to negotiate and listen to a partner. In addition, the fear of communication makes people lonely and unhappy. To become an ideal conversationalist for friends, family members, colleagues and achieve success in all areas of life, you need to follow the advice of specialists.

• Don't be a bore. Sometimes when telling an entertaining story, you can notice how others yawn. This is because they are not interested in listening to such things. To correct the situation, you should end the conversation and provide an opportunity to talk to others. It is necessary to allow the interlocutor to begin a story about himself. Oddly enough, but people like those who speak little but listen a lot.
• Discuss the interests of the interlocutor. If you ask a person about his hobby, then there is an 80% chance that the conversation will continue successfully. In addition, you should know in advance the hobbies of the interlocutor, this will then allow you to easily and freely maintain a conversation. It will not hurt to additionally share with others several interesting stories from your life (this can also be done in correspondence).
• Constantly Develop Charisma. This personality trait is given to many at birth, while others need to develop it for years.According to studies, it was found that during a conversation only 7% of attention is paid to words, the rest is body gestures and tone of speech. Therefore, during the conversation you should smile and be emotional, not forgetting the gestures.
• Live an interesting life. Psychologists recommend watching movies more often, traveling, reading books and talking with different people. It is also good to attend concerts, exhibitions, lectures, since there you can meet many interesting people. Thanks to this, the worldview will expand and it will be possible to present yourself to others as a good conversationalist.
• Call an interlocutor by name. Before you start a conversation, you must ask the interlocutor to introduce himself and use his name further in the dialogue.
• Avoid complex phrases and terms. No need to try to “be smart” and give yourself a special status using complex scientific terms in a conversation. It is best to express thoughts in simple words, the interlocutor will already understand what the speaker is like.

In addition to all of the above, one must always express negative thoughts in a positive interpretation. Of course, you can get angry, but you must not forget about respect for others.