Matchmaking: traditions and features

In the modern world, the tradition of matchmaking does not play an important role in the marriage of lovers. But before, without this ceremony, not a single wedding took place. In the old days, matchmaking was the main and most important part of the betrothal of lovers' hearts. And today, the parents of the couple can meet for the first time and meet only at a wedding. In Russia, for the ceremony of matchmaking, the groom chose a certain date when you can ask for blessings from the parents of your chosen one. Now nobody pays attention to this nuance, and the day of matchmaking is mainly scheduled for Saturday or Sunday.

Matchmaking is a tradition that dates back to ancient Russia. According to custom, the groom, along with the matchmakers, must make an official proposal to the girl, initially obtaining the consent of her parents to marry. This procedure takes place in an intimate setting, among relatives on both sides, without the intervention of unauthorized persons.

The matchmakers themselves are relatives from the bride and groom, who are their representatives at this event. In the old days, only the closest relatives were appointed matchmakers, it could be the guy's blood parents or godmothers. In the worst case, professional matchmakers were invited to the role of matchmakers. The main task of the matchmakers from the groom was to submit their ward from the best side. But besides this, they needed to find out more information about the bride's family, about the dowry and personal qualities that the girl could keep silent about.

Modern matchmaking is the appearance of the groom in front of the bride's parents with a request to allow the young to get married. The decision itself, of course, is made by lovers, but in order to present yourself to the bride's relatives on the positive side, it is best to take advantage of the traditions. By the way, these days the groom does not have to come to the relatives of his girlfriend with the matchmakers. After some time, the bride’s relatives go to the groom’s house to make an official acquaintance with the newly made relatives.

In ancient times, special attention was paid to matchmaking. This tradition was the most serious procedure than preparing for the conclusion of a marriage. Mostly the ritual was practiced by the groom, but there were cases when the matchmakers went to the guy on behalf of his daughter.

According to the rules of matchmaking, the young man reported that he had found a chosen one for himself and wanted to marry her. In some cases, the groom’s parents themselves would choose a suitable bride for their son, explaining that it was time for the guy to start a family. If the bride chose the bridegroom, the matchmakers' task is to collect detailed information about the girl herself, about her family, about what dowry they are supposed to, and much more.

The matchmaking process itself took place taking into account all the subtleties and nuances. The matchmakers went to the house of the bride, waiting for the sunset. And here you should immediately pay attention to the fact that during the journey to the house of the chosen one, the representatives of the groom are not supposed to see anyone, much less talk. Otherwise, the matchmaking procedure may be jinxed. Before crossing the threshold of the house of the future bride, the matchmaker is obliged to lean against the doorway.

According to Russian traditions, matchmaking was necessary on special calendar days. For example, during the fasting period it is strictly forbidden to ask for blessings from the relatives of the beloved. The number 13, from which it blows with negative energy, also belongs to the category of forbidden days. After representatives of the groom crossed the threshold of his lover's house, the fun began. The conversation about the upcoming wedding began from afar. To do this, it was necessary to pronounce the key phrase: "you have a product, we have a merchant." Although such phrases in Russia could not be counted, this formulation was the most popular.

In the negotiations between future relatives, the girl did not take any part. She had to be silent, sometimes change her clothes, while putting on all the best. And the hairstyle was changed during every change of clothes. Sometimes the matchmakers had a desire to see the bride’s masterful skills, for example, how she knits or weaves lace. In this case, the girl presented her own works to the public.

In the process of communication, relatives of both sides tried to tell and describe only the most positive qualities of their wards. This list included not only spiritual qualities, but also the material part. By the way, material responsibility for the well-being of the future family rested entirely on men's shoulders. The girl was responsible for the calm, beauty, warmth, cleanliness and comfort of the family nest.

To give a positive answer at the first visit of the matchmakers was considered a rash act. Although there are some exceptions, for example, if the girl was not from a wealthy family or if her age crossed the boundaries of permissible marriage. In these cases, waiting for the matchmakers to visit again was a stupid decision. But for girls from wealthy families, choosing the right candidate is extremely difficult.The daughter’s opinion may not coincide with the opinion of her parents, and constant visits to matchmakers from different men often led to such disagreements.

After a positive decision is made, the bride's relatives pay a return visit to the groom. They carefully examine the mansions of the future son-in-law in order to understand the conditions in which their daughter will move after the conclusion of the marriage. And only after that the talk about the wedding itself begins. This custom was called in Russian "go to the blindsider", where the property of the future son-in-law was mainly considered.

A positive decision of the bride’s parents was expressed in different forms. For example, if they took a loaf brought by the matchmakers. In fact, in Russia there were many ways to express their consent or refusal without saying a word. Relatives of the groom came to marry the bride, expecting a positive response, but did not always get what they wanted. In case of refusal, the bride's parents handed a match to a watermelon or pumpkin. Sometimes they simply put out the door in a rude manner. After these actions, a fame went about the bride and her relatives.

Modern matchmaking is interpreted somewhat easier, especially for residents of large cities. The matchmakers of the groom, or rather, his close relatives, can rarely take advantage of the traditional speeches of the custom, and even more so do not arrange mass events with theatrical scenes. Only one phrase has reached our days: “you have a product, we have a merchant”. Nevertheless, modern matchmaking is somewhat reminiscent of an old rite.

Before heading to the house of his future wife, a man acquires several bouquets of beautiful flowers, which he gives to his mother, sister and grandmother upon arrival. The bridegroom can order a special flower arrangement for the bride herself. Matchmakers, who are relatives of the groom, should have special gifts with them, for example, sweets in a beautiful package or a fruit basket and an elite alcoholic drink. In addition, the groom or his mother should give the bride a special present. This can be a necklace or a family heirloom of the family of the future husband.

Both parents of the girl are required to hand something special that will leave a pleasant impression and will be preserved for a long memory. This nuance is best agreed in advance with the bride. As a gift, a photo album, a home amulet, handmade candles and other similar items can come up. The rules of matchmaking stipulate that after the matchmakers meet, they should be held at the set table and during the meal to discuss the main reason for the meeting - the wedding.

Analyzing the nuances of modern matchmaking, the festive loaf is first of all remembered. Matchmakers on the groom's side always carry pastries laid on an embroidered towel in their hands. This sign invites the bride to move to the groom's house. It should be noted that the loaf, like a special guest of the holiday, is present at the event all the time and is eaten at the very end. According to another tradition, future relatives, namely the matchmakers of the groom and the parents of the bride, are tied with towels. But not everyone uses this rite.

In modern times, the bridegroom was not tired of going on matchmaking empty-handed. Flowers for ladies, souvenirs for relatives of the bride and pleasant little things for any occasion must be present in the guy’s pocket. To make the holiday a success, the event scenario should be prepared in advance and worked out in detail. An experienced matchmaker will help you create a detailed action plan. In this case, modern matchmaking will be held at the highest level.

Before going to matchmaking, the groom's relatives must prepare special words for the bride's parents. They should introduce themselves, the groom and clarify the essence of their visit. After the welcome stage, guests go to the house, where they start talking about the upcoming celebration. Understanding the seriousness of the event, the matchmakers should conduct any conversations about the wedding in a relaxed way, but do not set specifics. Veiled phrases will lead to a greater understanding of future relatives.

In fact, conversations as hints originate from the time of Russia. So in case of refusal of the bride’s parents, the groom was not so offended. Yes, and the girl’s reputation will not hit in any way. Since matchmaking has been an indispensable element of the wedding ceremony, only a few phrases have survived to our days, for example:

• “The matchmaker does not go with the truth”;
• "Matchmaker first cup and first stick";
• "You will begin to wonder how to give the girl."

Each participant in the matchmaking is assigned a role. The bulk of the work rests with the groom on the shoulders of the matchmakers. They should be fun and positive. In no case should the matchmakers talk about the bride or her relatives with incriminating facts.

Having passed into the girl’s house, the bride’s parents invite the matchmakers to the table. In addition to the masterpieces of culinary art, on the table there are strong drinks. Since ancient times, the tradition of matchmaking has been accompanied by the belief that matchmakers should not give up alcohol, thereby confirming the fact of respect and trust in the bride. The main thing is without fanaticism, so as not to spoil the holiday lovers.

The groom himself must behave with restraint, he must not argue, let alone demand something. The only thing he needs is to get the bride’s parents to be favored, thereby receiving their blessing. The bride, in turn, must sit silently and only watch the whole procession. Previously, the custom required constant dressing of the girl in the most beautiful outfits, today you can refuse it.

The modern way allows you to move slightly away from the official traditions of matchmaking. For the celebration to go well, the best option would be to prepare and write a script where everyone will have a special role to play. To date, comic scripts are very popular, especially for residents of megacities. The picture is very unusual and positive when the groom with the matchmakers, musicians and a loaf stands at the entrance to the porch, where his sweetheart lives.

According to a pre-written script, the matchmaker acts as a “detective” and asks the bride's parents on various topics related to their daughter and family as a whole. After the responses received, all the attention of the guests switches to the bride herself. Her image should overshadow all those present. The matchmaker arranges for the girl several tests to understand whether she is worthy of becoming the wife of their ward. After the bride, the matchmaker sets about checking the groom himself.

During the ceremony, guests and the bride's parents receive small symbolic souvenirs. For each stage of the script, specific toasts are prepared. During the tests, ditties and folk songs are used as musical accompaniment. After the main part of the events, the matchmaker begins to play different games with the guests, and then invites the cheerful audience to sit down at the festive table.

In order to understand the sequence of actions, it is necessary to draw up a short plan of the event, from which you can build on and offer your ideas.

• Arrival matchmakers to the house of the future bride. Their meeting should be accompanied by ditties and songs.
• The dating process.Future relatives may first meet, so they need some time to greet and meet. At this moment, the groom gives presents to the bride's parents and treats them to a baked loaf.
• Invitation to the table. Parents of the bride should take their future relatives to a feast and plant them in places.
• The appearance of the bride. The girl appears in the most chic way, while her parents must describe the positive qualities of their daughter.
• Declaration of love. The groom must tell how much he loves his chosen one.
• Having received a blessing from the bride’s parents, the matchmaking process can be considered completed. The final stage is a birthday cake and tea.

See how to match the bride properly in the next video.