Traditions and customs of the Chechen wedding

Weddings in Chechnya are distinguished by their national color. This is a pretty beautiful event, consisting of a large number of rituals that have remained unchanged for several centuries.

A distinctive feature of Chechen wedding rituals is that they are observed with the utmost precision so as not to miss any of the customs. It should be noted that modern marriages in Chechnya are quite democratic. Contrary to popular belief, no one marries girls by force, as this conflicts with religious canons. Moreover, Chechens treat girls of their nationality extremely respectfully and delicately, regardless of whether they are a daughter, sister, wife, or simply an outsider.

Marriage in Chechnya is possible only with the permission of the parents on both sides, wedding traditions simply do not provide otherwise. Before the matchmaking, representatives of the groom carefully study the biography of his lover, as well as the biography of all members of her family in at least three to four generations: this is important in order to completely exclude the possibility of incest.

Usually the acquaintance of young people occurs in two ways.

• At the wedding of relatives: according to tradition, the Chechen wedding gathers a large number of guests, and among them there are always unmarried girls.Usually, in anticipation of the celebration, they do embroidery on handkerchiefs and always take them with them. During the festive event, young Chechens look at these girls, and if one of them liked someone, he passes a candy or other treats to her through a friend or relative. If a Chechen woman intends to respond favorably to the courtship of this man, she sends her embroidered scarf in response, and the acquaintance is recognized as perfect.
• If a young man likes some girl, but wedding festivities are not expected in the near future, he may try to call her on a date. In this case, he passes his invitation through her friend or sister or through children. After they meet several times, a man can afford to start a conversation about marriage.

When the lovers decide to tie the knot, the groom must inform about his plans for the female part of his family: mother, grandmother and sister. If they perceive such news negatively, then most often the man changes his mind. If women give their blessings, the family sends matchmakers to the bride. For centuries, there was a custom in Chechnya to steal a bride, but the current head of the republic, Ramzan Kadyrov, has banned such actions, saying that marriage should be based on love and mutual respect on both sides, and for those who decide to steal their beloved in the old fashion, a serious criminal punishment.

The last word when deciding on the possibility of a wedding between the young always remains with the girl’s father. According to tradition, a wedding can take place only if permission is given by representatives of both families. Matchmaking is a small feast where the matchmaker is present on the part of the man and the girl's parents. At this moment, the guests inform about the purpose of their visit, and the father of the prospective bride makes a promise to think about the proposal.

If the parent answered with his consent, then the groom redeems his beloved. On the agreed day, the bridegroom arrives at the girl’s house, as well as his immediate family and a mullah. To begin with, the mullah is interested in the bride’s father with his consent to marriage, then with the girl herself, and two married Chechens should be present. After this, the mullah holds a special ceremony in a separate room, first with the bride and then with the groom, then the young are considered husband and wife, and in evidence they are given a certificate of marriage.

The size of the ransom that a man’s family must pay for the young one before the wedding is determined by the mullah. According to traditions, the Chechen bridegroom pays even more ransom than the mullah determines - this is how he demonstrates his best intentions, emphasize his gratitude to the girl’s family for her upbringing and skills. Chechnya treats the courtship and ransom procedure with great scrupulousness: they let the groom know that his beloved is more than just a beautiful girl, more than money and property. She is primarily the mother of his unborn children.

As for the dowry, it is not accepted in Chechnya.

Wedding ceremonies of the Chechen people abound in various interesting rites and beautiful ceremonial gestures. From the very early morning, the bride goes through several rituals, the first of which is bathing. The young room is fumigated with various incense, the bath is filled with water and herbal infusions are poured into it.

Then the girl puts on a dress.It is imperative that it is certainly on the floor, with shoulders, arms, back and neckline well closed, and a festive shawl tied to the head. A sharp needle is usually attached to the hem, and a small handkerchief with a ribbon and a small silver coin is given to the young. The girl will then take care of these gifts for the rest of her life: it is believed that they are her talisman that protects against evil forces, poverty and poverty. From the evening, the girl collects her things, where relatives secretly lay apricot kernels or beans: in this way they wish young fertility and an early birth of the first-born.

Meanwhile, preparations for the celebration begin at the groom's house. It is here that the motorcade comes, consisting of a large number of expensive and beautiful cars, and the best car is intended for the girl. This motorcade goes to the bride, where the mullah, along with the young ones, considers special surahs from the Holy Quran. Then the best man three times walks around the girl around the hearth, and then symbolically breaks the rope - with this he seems to tear the young from her parents' house. The girl gets into the car and goes to the house of her future husband.

Usually the girl’s relatives in every way prevent the motorcade from leaving. They pull the ropes or put a variety of obstacles to get a dummy. All the money collected during this ritual is then given to the bride, thereby emphasizing that she becomes the mistress of the family. In the man’s house, the mullah completes the wedding ceremony, and from that moment the couple becomes already married. Upon arriving at the man’s house, another girl awaits the girl: on the way to her mother-in-law's house, a small carpet and a broom await her.

According to customs, relatives of a man should shower the girl with money and sweets, and then pour a mixture of honey with butter in a spoon and give them a drink first mother-in-law, and then the youngest. At this moment, shots are usually heard that are designed to scare away evil spirits. It can only be an air gun, since firearms are officially prohibited in Chechnya. Traditionally Chechen weddings are held in a restaurant, so the best man takes the girl from her husband’s house and leads to the place of the celebration, where, in accordance with traditions, a place is reserved for her in the corner.

I must say that the ceremony of celebrating marriage for a girl is quite difficult: despite the fact that everyone can come to the wedding, the young woman herself is obliged to be in the far corner all evening, while she is forbidden to drink, eat, and even move. From time to time, a friend or relative may approach her, but only her mother-in-law or sister-in-law can sit her at the table, and then at the very end of the ceremony, having previously removed her veil.

But the young spouse does not catch the eye of the wedding guests: he celebrates in a separate room with his closest friends. All other guests are located in a large hall. Usually the event is held by imal-tamala, who leads the process, he also announces the beginning of the dance. Usually the dance floor is divided into two zones: ladies dance in one part, and men in the other. Joint dances are not allowed here.

At the table, men also sit apart from women, while they are located in seniority. Little children have no space at all - they spend time near the table. The bride’s family usually does not take part in this event, so for them such a holiday is rather a sad event.

At the end of the holiday, it is customary to give gifts at a Chechen wedding. Usually they are selected taking into account the status of the young spouse: the higher it is, the more expensive the gift should be. In previous years, most often presented household appliances, carpets, livestock. In our time, preference is increasingly given to money so that the couple can manage their funds and acquire what they need.

Another interesting tradition associated with gifts is rooted in the old days. There was such a custom: if a brother married, his sister was the first to open his wife’s suitcase, look at things and take what she liked. Apparently, the girls did not really want to part with expensive items, so they began to prepare a gift for their sister-in-law: as a rule, this is a ring or other jewelry that they put directly on the suitcase. Thus, the husband’s sister understands that this gift is for her, and no longer claims to be.

After the wedding, the couple needs to go through some more interesting rituals. Chechen marriage customs are very complex and sometimes require the manifestation of endurance, strength and presence of mind. But all of them are aimed at demonstrating mutual respect and exceptional generosity. In addition, such a long and serious ceremony symbolizes a responsible approach to building a family.

This ceremony is intended for the girl at the end of the first wedding day. The mother-in-law comes to the house of the young, as well as other relatives of the spouse. Young people begin to make fun of his wife in such a way as to amuse her, but she must certainly restrain herself in every way: not to laugh and not to utter a word. After that, the men present begin to ask her for a drink one by one, in response, the girl should bring a bowl and give it to the oldest and most respected of them with the word "drink." In response, he is obliged to give her something, otherwise the newly-married spouse has the right to completely stop communicating with him. The husband also tries to talk to his spouse in every possible way, but she must resist until she receives a gift from him. The girl usually gives all the money received during this fun ceremony to her mother-in-law.

This is a very important ceremony that completes the wedding ceremony. On the wedding day, a needle is pinned to the hem of the bride, in the evening of the same day she must bake a pie with this very needle inside. The young wife takes this treat with her, as well as a jug, and goes with friends and girlfriends to the nearest body of water. It is customary to throw a pie into the water and fire from a gun, after which the young one must draw water into the jug and take it to her new home.

One month after the marriage ceremony, the man must visit the house of his wife’s parents. He usually takes expensive gifts with him, and the girl’s relatives set a festive table. To begin with, the parents of the young man sit at the table, get to know each other, but then they leave, and the young man returns: he has yet another serious test. He should try to enter the house shod, but so as not to offend his new relatives. His friends help him in this.

After that, the husband’s friends and family girls sit down for a meal so that the girl’s family is on one side, and the boy’s friends on the other. The man himself should stand at a distance, bowing his head obediently. It is in this situation that he needs to stand all the time while the feast is going on, and if children come up to him, they should definitely be treated. A few hours later, the women took her husband to another hall and already there they offered him treats.

At the very end of the ceremony, the husband should put money on the dish, and his wife's sister should give him a gold ring in response. For this, a man gives a girl a bracelet of gold, and the ceremony is considered to be held. The newly-made spouse goes to the guests and again takes his former place on the sidelines, where he will stand until the very end of the holiday. Usually, a girl-wife is also brought to her family near the end of the evening. It happens that she even remains to spend the night in her native walls, and in the morning her husband picks her up.

What else you need to know about Chechen wedding customs, see the video below.