How to distinguish love from affection?

Since childhood, each of us becomes aware that without love there will be no happy personal life. Having matured, many begin to look for a person who is destined for them by fate and with whom he will be able to carry such a desirable sense of self through the years. However, due to the lack of experience, love is often mistaken for a completely different thing, and this leads to disappointment, destroys hopes and destroys fate. But still a real feeling can be distinguished from ordinary attachment, and it is advisable to do this before marriage and children are born.

From a psychological point of view, love and affection include many “components.” Each of these concepts - both love and affection - is quite capacious and largely individual. Although they have “mandatory” features.

Whatever set of sensations each person puts into his own idea of ​​love, it always contains such components:

• confidence;
• attraction;
• fidelity;
• desire to make a partner happy;
• acceptance of it with all the shortcomings.

The desire to open in front of a loved one and rely on him - natural for love. In psychological terms, this is a very interesting and in every case a unique process that starts when there are common views on the things that are important for the couple, on their perception of what is happening around, and so on.

The continuation of this is physiological side of the relationshipwhen the object of love seems outwardly attractive, regardless of how much it actually meets the generally accepted canons of beauty. “Your man” you always admire. Its fullness or freckles, for example, can attract and cause a storm of emotions. From such sparks a mass of mutual sensations of a romantic nature ignites, and this is very important for true love.

In it, people are so absorbed in each other that don’t think about the possibility of adventures on the side, although fidelity is a much broader concept than reluctance to be close to someone else besides the one you call beloved. The desire to be near as long as possible, to overcome any obstacles on the way to each other, is evidence of fidelity, and therefore true feeling - just like accepting another with all its flaws in character and habits.

In sincere love, the personality of the other half is crucial. With this man it’s interesting not only to indulge in carnal pleasures - it’s interesting to live with him, share experiences, share interests. Near your beloved is never boring.

Attachment, in contrast to love, is based on ordinary sympathy for a person. The one who is nearby simply does not cause rejection - and nothing more. You can communicate with him, make plans, deal. But behind such relationships lies a selfish interest such as fear of loneliness. Sometimes both partners are fully aware that they are not connected by a real great feeling, but by some comfort that makes life easier or allows you not to change it radically. And if you look around, you can see how many couples live by concluding such an unspoken agreement.

When experiencing attachment, not love, it is important to be aware of this so as not to become a victim of self-deception. Life is multifaceted, and such a view of what is happening can drive into a trap from which it is not easy to get out.

Often our problem is that we confuse love and affection, naively accepting one after the other, and we cannot distinguish between these feelings, especially since they really are so similar. Therefore, before closely intertwining fate, it is better check yourself and your partner for internal feelings. Moreover, there are quite specific “beacons”easy to navigate.

If we are talking about a real feeling, it is characterized by such signs:

• a loving person almost always returns thoughts to the object of his love, taking into account his interests and feelings;
• he seeks to develop and become better;
• has true respect for the partner;
• does not change the attitude towards the one whom he loves, no matter how a person behaves.

If over time these feelings do not pass, but only become stronger, we can say with confidence that the universe has awarded true love.

Attributes include:

• a person puts his own interests ahead of the interests of a partner;
• the shortcomings of the one nearby are annoying, and I want to redo it for myself;
• those who are attached are waiting for changes for the better, but they themselves do not do anything for this;
• in a pair of frequent conflicts and grievances;
• there is a periodic feeling of longing and loneliness, even if the partner is nearby.

Comparing the concepts of love and affection, one should pay attention to a number of nuances that show the fundamental difference between them.

Unlike attachment love is not passive. Between really loving people there is always a certain atmosphere filled with passion, zeal and endless mutual attraction. If it’s about attachment, instead of joy, two often feel worries, which imperceptibly, gradually poisons life, turning it into gray everyday life. If you truly love a person, you live with the desire to take care of him, and if not, it is always more important to worry about yourself in the first place.

No wonder they say love inspires. If you feel the wings behind your back, then the days are no longer gray, because you are filled from the inside with strength, powerful life-giving energy. When it comes to attachment, sometimes a feeling of burden in relationships, constraint. If there is no real feeling, constantly pursuing feeling of insecurity. With the one nearby unable to speak easily and be silentas happens with true love.

With dislike, even the reaction to the partner’s attention is different. Sometimes it is burdensome and annoying, which never happens in a full-fledged love relationship. Even jealousy in this situation is distinguished by internal destructiveness, since it demonstrates the most acute manifestations of painful dependence on each other. In true love, people do not seek to dominate one over the other, but enjoy inner freedom.

The problem is that it is often possible to truly understand whether a loved one is nearby or a roommate only with experience. Those who did not know about true love, but experienced only love, can understand what true feelings mean, sometimes only after separation and a new meeting. So before you go to the registry office, it’s better still try to determine your inner feeling, showing honesty in relation to himself and casting aside children's ideas about romance.

Even if a marriage is made and life is settled, and only attachment and habit are associated with a loved one, there are thoughts that this vicious circle should be broken. Usually this happens if at least one of the partners meets someone else whom he recognizes, reveals for himself, starting to experience true love.

If nothing truly new looms on the horizon that fills life with vivid colors and fresh sensations, people often do not see the point in the changes - they are afraid to make it worse. But whether something will change in life depends only on the internal attitude. You can try - and turn affection into love.

But first you have to abandon the attachment itself. To do this, a number of important steps have to be taken:

• analyze the shortcomings of the partner;
• to think over everything that caused negative relations;
• refuse to enjoy the painful side of the relationship;
• spend more time with relatives and people who are pleasant in communication.

Many are convinced that people do not change over the years, but if this is true, then only partially. According to psychologists, to a large extent, our personality consists of a set of habits. And if you set a goal, then you can change them. It is proved that it takes 21 days to form a habit, as well as to abandon it.

Having shown awareness when you constantly monitor your actions without falling into a “sleep on the go”, during this time it is quite realistic to change your behavior. This will certainly affect how your partner looks at you. Although you will already look at everything around differently. Then for you, either new virtues will open up in who you are used to, or you let go of a person, completely changing your life.

How to distinguish love from affection, see the video.