How to get rid of resentment against parents?

A sense of resentment can greatly poison the life of any person. Sometimes resentment can be overcome quickly. But in some cases, this feeling can live in a person’s mind for years. Resentment of already adult children on parents just refers to similar situations. Often it is hidden, unconscious, so getting rid of it is even more difficult.

The emergence of such a heavy feeling as resentment is associated with an unfair, in the opinion of a person, judgment or act against him. Having experienced the negative actions of others (deceit, unwarranted reproaches, ignoring, evil jokes, insults), a person feels infringed, humiliated. Most often, resentment is accompanied by a desire to take revenge. When an adult child seriously and for a long time is offended by his mother or father, this greatly injures himself. After all, from birth, parents are for everyone the closest. And it is precisely to such native people that negative accumulates in the soul.

Let us consider in more detail the nature of the grievances of children on their parents.

• Often, resentment is associated with an authoritarian type of education. The child was often punished, deprived of toys and the opportunity to play with peers. The parent-child relationship in this case is almost always very tense and strained.Often in such strict families, the child is reproached for mistakes and oversights that have not been committed by him. It comes to moral humiliation. Mom constantly criticizes her daughter for being inappropriate. Without stinting on expressions, she repeatedly chastises her for her hair or wardrobe details. The father does not see in his son sufficient, by his personal standards, courage, and therefore humiliates him.

• The emotional remoteness of mom and dad. Very often this happens in families with late children. Parents with age hardly penetrate into the culture of children, youth and youth, they condemn much of it. As a result, the interests of the child are criticized. Its freedom of choice and creativity is limited. They can manipulate a child to the extent that they force them to study for the specialty that their parents have chosen, and not for the one that is interesting to him.
• Domestic violence and abuse leave a deep imprint on the psyche. It is appropriate to speak here not only about insult, but also about deep psychological trauma. Not everyone can forgive such a force.
• In dysfunctional families for various reasons, a tense and unstable situation reigns. If there is alcoholism, drug addiction of one or both parents, then the child’s life becomes completely unbearable. They practically do not deal with it, since mom and dad have a lot of their problems, often they are not at home at all. They can easily miss important events for the child: school performance, last call, competitions, awarding.

• The neglect of one child in favor of another may be offensive. It so happens that parents do not hide their favor towards a brother or sister, openly bathing them in compliments, attention, gifts and support. The other gets only reproaches and remarks, often undeserved. And although it is. by and large, mental disorders of mom and dad themselves, age problems remain with those who in childhood received less than parental love.
• Very often, a strong sense of resentment can be tied to a specific event in childhood, adolescence, or early adolescence. The situation in which the parents, in the opinion of the child, acted unjustly, “eats” for a long time in memory.
• Transferring interpersonal parental relationships to children results in an unfair relationship with them. A mother is always unhappy with her husband and can unknowingly humiliate her son, reminiscent of her father. Resentment against a man who has left the family is often transferred to single mothers. The child in this case is often forced to undergo unreasonable rudeness, nit-picking and insulting remarks.

Children's grievances can adversely affect many areas of human life. Negative thoughts and memories deplete the nervous system. And the experience gained in living in a dysfunctional family is strongly imprinted on the attitude to marriage and their children in adulthood.

In particular, an old resentment against mom and dad will probably affect one or more of the following areas:

• psychoemotional state;
• physical health;
• Relations with a spouse
• level of self-esteem;
• interpersonal relations in society;
• relationship with your own children.

Sincere forgiveness is a soul-liberating act. The oppression of heavy negative thoughts falls off, the plans of revenge are forever forgotten. For adult children, it is very important to cope with the accumulated emotions. In this way, you will establish your own life, and help your most dear people find peace of mind. It is not so easy to let go of difficult situations from childhood. To begin with, it is important to have a firm intention to do this. The second step is to work through those moments that offended you. You can do this with your parents if you have a relationship.

Methods of getting rid of children's insults and feelings associated with parents

• Try to imagine yourself in the place of your mom and dad. Understand the situation and the situation from their point of view. Consider their age, financial situation and other events happening around at that time. Perhaps other details of the time when you were offended will also pop up in your memory. Maybe your mother was very tired at work, and the family had a precarious financial situation. Or there was a heavy loss of someone from the family. Ask yourself, how would I feel, what would I do, would I not make the same mistake? Scroll through the situation in your head, thinking up other, more favorable, outcomes. Were they really doable at that time?
• Do not get hung up on negative memories. Your childhood has passed, and what was not change. Instead, come back to happy moments more often. Now you are an adult and independent person, ready to seriously work with your problems.
• Do not voluntarily and knowingly call yourself a "child of alcoholics" or "unloved son." Thus, you put a bullet in your spiritual and social development. Even if your parents had weaknesses and serious turmoil in life, they still did not abandon you and raised you, no matter what. Remember their strengths and strengths.

• Try talking to your parents about mistakes they don’t want to admit. After all, over the years they have nevertheless become wiser and can look at the past in a different way. Topics that previously caused irritation or denial can be raised again a few years later. Often, just recognition by the mother or father of their wrongfulness greatly helps the process of forgiveness. The past situation is losing its severity and is gradually forgotten.
• Be prepared for the fact that elderly parents still do not recognize the fact of the injustice of any actions. So, in their worldview, the assessment of these situations is somewhat different than yours. It is almost impossible to fundamentally change the established views. Just try not to make the mistake of your parents and, in this situation, accept them as they are.
• Do not assume the role of judge. Nevertheless, we will never overtake our parents by age and life experience. So, it does not have the right to demand from them regrets and torment for their deeds by force.
• If you clearly see the mistakes of mom and dad in your upbringing, then you are in luck. After all, you have a great chance not to repeat them in your family with children and grandchildren. And the reason for the unjust or offensive actions of your parents could be simply elementary inexperience and shortsightedness.

• Try to mentally feel sorry for yourself in childhood. Remember situations when you were offended by your mother, and imagine that she immediately realized the mistake and apologized to you. It may well be that my mother wanted to do so, but could not step over her pride or was too inflated at that time.
• Allow yourself to be sad and even cry over your resentment. The circumstances were unfair and cannot be corrected. Throw out your sadness and promise yourself that with tears you release the insult from your memory.
• The language of parental love is not always clear and straightforward. Behind reproaches and remarks may hide genuine concern. Sudden disruptions and scandals can be the result of a strong emotional experience and attempts to return you to the right path. The prohibitions are intended to protect you from the dangers that seemed to your parents very significant.