All spouses want absolute fidelity from their partner. Unfortunately, a passing craze can end in treason. It is worthwhile to consider in more detail why changes occur, what their consequences are, how to find the strength to survive the situation, is it easy to regain the partner’s trust and continue to build family relationships.
Why are betrayals happening?
The essence of adultery is the inability to fully realize a person in the family. The following factors most often contribute to adultery:
- physiology - leaping hormones;
- desire for diversity (a kind of experiment) - it is interesting to learn how to have sex with another person;
- dissatisfaction with basic needs.
Care, attention, affection, tenderness in a relationship need two halves of a married couple. It is important for a person to feel that they love him. Everyday life and hardships are so sucked in that less warmth and attention goes to a loved one. Ardent and tender feelings gradually fade away. Often, intimate life comes down to a mechanical process. Romance and understanding fade over time. Conflicts, quarrels, scandals on the slightest occasion push a person to look for a "soul mate" on the side. Not the last place is occupied by malicious silence, which gives the impression that the spouses hardly tolerate each other.
Crisis moments fall on 3, 7, 14, 21 years of marriage. It is necessary to adequately overcome the stage of formation of the family, the birth of children, their maturation. The relationship of the spouses is affected by the empty nest syndrome: the children grew up and left their home.Parents suddenly discover that they are only bound by children. There was nothing to talk about, interests diverged. Retirement causes fear of aging. I want to prove to myself that you are not old. Search for adventure with a young lady is not excluded.
Important! Thus, there are two main reasons for adultery: weak partner will, inability to resist temptation and lack of understanding between spouses.
Effects
Adultery occurs as an atomic bomb explosion. First, a bright and warm light bursts in with the flash, and then complete devastation sets in. Around remains a dead field, the ashes. The heart and feelings of the one who has changed his half are completely scorched. Situational betrayals often happen. Due to certain circumstances, this happened once. The unfaithful spouse is interested in preserving the family, he feels guilty and incredible shame, so he is trying to hide treason with all his might.
But the partner found out about it. Marital infidelity is perceived as a betrayal of the mystery of their love. Jealousy, anger, resentment gnawing a soul mate. It is impossible to justify meanness. Trust is destroyed. The very first desire that arises after unpleasant news is to immediately break off relations. The self-esteem of the partner suffers, who frantically begins to search for the cause in himself. There will be no previous life. A lot of effort must be made so that the ridiculous mistake does not destroy the family. The couple must gain strength to go through trials and reach a new level of relationship.
How to survive?
After situational betrayals, family relationships can and should be maintained. The hardest thing is to forgive and again trust the person who betrayed you, who committed an act that can destroy love, destroy family ties. You can forget, forgive, but live as before. There will be no past ease in a relationship. Family happiness will not return home soon.
If you cheated, you should not engage in self-flagellation. No need to bring charges, complaints to the partner. In a fit of anger, you can say a lot of extra words that will subsequently adversely affect your relationship. Try to answer your question why the betrayal happened. Despair, a bleeding wound in the heart, experience, confusion drive a person into depression. You can cry, but quietly, without witnesses.
It is best to seek the help of a family psychologist. He will help get out of depression. It would be nice to choose the right forum on the Internet and chat there incognito. The issue will be resolved only by two: husband and wife. Third parties do not need to be involved in the situation. Not all friends know how to keep secrets and give practical advice. Every effort must be made not to entangle your children. Disagreement in the family causes them severe trauma, which is difficult for the child's psyche to cope with. Your personal problems should not concern them.
The betrayal that happened brought incredible pain to the culprit himself. The situation will have to be accepted, however difficult. This is a fait accompli. You can’t turn back the clock. It's hard to cope with guilt. There is a fear of losing a family. Sometimes a person begins to hate himself.
If the couple lived in a civil marriage, then it is recommended to immediately legalize the relationship. If the marriage was not married, then be sure to go through the Sacrament of Wedding. A person will not be able to remain the same after the wedding. On Orthodox days, it is advisable for the whole family to visit the temple, perform the Sacraments of Confession and Communion. Joint visits to the temple will help to survive the pain, to unite the family, to love each other more than before.
How to make peace and live together?
If you are unfaithful, your wife should behave after the betrayal very patiently. You need to be prepared for the violent reaction of a partner. Give the person the opportunity to throw out overwhelming emotions. You will have to have a lot of patience to endure crying, reproaches, scattering things, burning photos together. It is much worse if your half is withdrawn in itself, does not want to talk with you and sort things out. This does not mean indifference to the situation. The partner hid his feelings and emotions deeply, and the heartache from this becomes even stronger.
Instant reunion will not happen. No need to intrusively impose a conversation on a partner. In this situation, not words, but actions will help. You will have to resume the courtship period, show increased attention. But you do not need to fill up your spouse with expensive gifts and flowers. There must be a measure in everything, otherwise you can achieve the opposite result. You need to tune in to the fact that your life together will change dramatically. The first time it will be difficult for your soul mate to overpower yourself to kiss you before going to work, to smile warmly and even more to have sex just like before. Cold relations are provided for a while. Do not force events.
If you cheated on you, then in no case do not look for a sexual partner for revenge on your husband or wife. This will only worsen the already difficult situation. It’s better to think about how to prevent resentment from taking root in your soul, prioritize correctly to understand what is more important at the moment: long-term love, joint children, shared plans, strong friendship or a fleeting hobby of a partner. It is necessary to listen to a loved one, to understand what he needs, what is missing. You have to give all of yourself completely to the family, work hard on relationships. Under no circumstances should one be reproached, and in quarrels recall the fact of treason. It is advisable to try to permanently throw this unpleasant event out of my head.
It would be nice to go on vacation together, to conduct a joint photo shoot. A visit to the gym, classes in an affordable sport help to strengthen life together. Regular activity outside the apartment will help to save the family. It should be friendly to visit parks, museums, theaters. Children should be involved in organizing family activities. In the evening, it is advisable to gather as a family, to talk. Any joint work will unite the family.
Can trust be restored?
Wisdom is required to restore a broken trust. It is not easy to learn to believe your loved one again. Any delay in work will cause suspicion tormenting the soul. Have to start a relationship from scratch - again learn to love each other. A person who has lost confidence is like an offended child. Suspicion, vulnerability, moodiness are a normal and natural state. Infidelity hurt the pride of a partner. At one point, trust cannot be restored. Everything has its time. It is necessary to make a person understand that the old is in the past. A new stage begins.
It is necessary to increase the importance of your soul mate. It is advisable to convince the wife that the rival in all respects loses to her. A number of arrangements should be made. It is better to avoid innuendo and understatement. All suspicions should be reported immediately. The following conditions will help to restore confidence:
- maintaining a distance for a while;
- voluntary provision of passwords, accounts to your soul mate;
- partial narrowing of the partner’s space: checking email, diary, phone, social networks;
- removal of all suspicious contacts in the presence of a second half.
If adultery happened at the workplace, and the partner quit for the sake of saving his family, then such an act will definitely inspire the trust of his half. Check times should be completed after the final forgiveness of the spouse. The return of personal space to a partner does not need to be delayed for a long time. After the test, family relationships are restored and strengthened.
Psychologist's advice
If your spouse cheated on you, you should not rush from one extreme to the other. The first of them - to cope with trouble is difficult, almost impossible, so you have to divorce. Or the second extreme - he will disappear without me, and I love him - let him walk, do not worry, I’ll survive somehow. Do not make a quick decision. You need to wait until the stress has passed, and you will begin to think sensibly and judiciously. Do not listen to those friends, girlfriends and relatives who insist on the immediate expulsion of the wrong half.
Scandals will only worsen the situation. A quick forgiveness can lead your soul mate to the idea that nothing terrible has happened, you can continue in the same vein. Do not try to fill the grief with alcohol. Do not find out the details of an intimate relationship, otherwise facts may be revealed, after which the reconciliation will definitely not take place. You should not look for a meeting with a person who turned out to be your rival or rival. This is below your dignity. Moreover, do not try to insult or humiliate a person. In the end, for some reason your partner chose him.
If a grouchy and dissatisfied wife meets a man in the evening from work, then he involuntarily begins to compare her with other women. True love in the family appears as a result of hard daily work. Initial passion and love gradually fade away. They are gradually being replaced by a deep feeling that fills the whole family space with true love. When a family has love, peace and harmony in everything, betrayal is a priori impossible.
If you managed to hide the betrayal, but you are very tormented by conscience, you need to find the strength to sincerely repent. Perhaps this will happen in a confession in the temple. Only sincere repentance will help get rid of remorse. This episode should be cut out of his memory. The repetition of the situation must be carefully avoided.
See how to survive treason and save your family in the next video.
