All about intimophobia

Recently, more and more often you can hear the word "intimophobe". So called both women and men. We are talking about people who are afraid to establish long-term emotional relationships with members of the opposite sex. They have their own sympathies and preferences, they fall in love and are carried away, but long and lasting close intimate relationships frighten them, because they can constitute a threat to their independence.

Intimophobia is a type of phobic mental disorder. It is extremely widespread - it is estimated that up to 30% of the adult population suffer from this type of fear. This phobia is an irrational, far-fetched, not existing in reality and lacking weighty pretext fear of intimate relationships.

More often than others, people who suffer from neurosis become intimophobic, have certain problems with the emotional and psychological spheres. And in this case, intimophobia only supplements existing problems. The disorder is not inherited, it cannot be genetically determined, but a girl who is raised by one mother without the participation of her father, as well as a boy who was raised only by her father, may well become intimophobes with pronounced features.

Intimophobia is equally affected by both women and men. Intimophobe is not “pecked” and “hammered” is not the brightest representative of his gender, as the name may seem. Outwardly, people with such a phobia make a very pleasant impression. - they resemble very relaxed connoisseurs of sexual sensations, they are quite sociable and know how to interest representatives of the opposite sex.

Such people adapt perfectly, easily enter new groups, find a common language with people. So what's the catch, you ask. And the catch is that intimophobe needs strong emotions like air, he needs to experience passions, and therefore, he may well lead a rather free sexual life and often change partners in connection with an unreasonable need for fresh sensations. Others see this intimophobia, but something is happening inside of him that no one around can understand - exactly what constitutes its phobia.

Intimophobe uses his sexual and love affairs as a screen for true experiences. Inside, he firmly settled the fear of true intimacy with a representative of the opposite sex. This fear is panicky. It is panic that is what is born in the soul of a person at the thought that relationships can become serious, after all, this will to one degree or another deprive him of his share of freedom and the influx of fresh experiences necessary for a comfortable existence in this world.

No, intimophobes are not afraid to marry and often go for it when circumstances so require. But even in marriage, such people keep a certain distance with their partner. He has his own feelings, his feelings and plans, and he needs sex on the side and new sexual acquaintances. There is nothing surprising in the fact that intimophobic families in 99% of cases break up.

Some intimophobes have one more problem - sexual aversion. This is an aversion to an intimate partner. The rejection of someone who until recently seemed attractive and desirable may occur after the first intimacy, and after some time of regular intimate relationships with this partner.

Intimophobia is considered a pathology of character, and therefore, the main reason for its occurrence, from the point of view of psychology and psychiatry, is the cost of education. Usually this violation is laid in childhood or during puberty, and the child takes the example of his parents as a basis.

1. Most often, the matter is the behavior of the mother, her attitude to the representatives of the opposite sex, her failure and mistakes in her personal and intimate life. If a girl sees how hard relations with men are given to mothers, how unsuccessful maternal experience is, then it is not worth counting on her developing the correct perception of men. In most cases, loser mothers also reinforce children's fear with statements like “All men are traitors” and “They only need one”. So in the bud, belief in a serious relationship with members of the opposite sex is killed.
2. Similarly, the disorder develops in men. The boy, who is taught by the unsuccessful example of his father, does not believe in women in principle, and as he grows up, he begins to project this disbelief and distrust on all women. The further algorithm for both men and women is simple: in order not to become a victim, you need to run and hide. This mechanism starts in the human psyche nature itself, trying to protect it from shocks. So there is a fear of close and long intimate relationships.
3. Less commonly, the disorder develops in adults. The reason in this case is a strong negative personal experience, personal drama on the family or intimate front. And even an overly strong desire of a partner to legalize relations sooner can provoke a panic attack and an aversion to the prospect of further relations with this person.

Hoping to re-educate an intimophobe is not worth it.It is very, very difficult, almost impossible to build close emotional relationships with him. And no matter what you do for him, no matter how you try to surround him with comfort and pleasures, the charm of the relationship will remain only for that time until the intimophobe begins to become attached to you. As soon as he feels that he has begun to become attached emotionally, he will prefer to find a reason and leave, or will make your life unbearable so that you kick him out or leave.

As long as the relationship does not in any way detract from his personal freedom, they may well continue. But will this suit a partner? In the case of two intimophobes under one roof, it is possible that a mutually beneficial “deal” will be concluded - a free marriage, a guest marriage or a weekend marriage with complete freedom of action for each partner. Imntimofoba can neither change the birth of children, nor the presence of a common cause (for example, a common hobby or business). He is what he is, and does not want to become another.

Any psychologist will confirm that intimophobes very rarely seek qualified medical help. They do not consider their problem a mental disorder, they are not going to change anything in their attitude to sexual partners. AND only people with an extremely difficult course of this phobic disorder - coitophobia (fear of sex in general) come to the psychotherapist. That is, fear of sexual intercourse is the only reason that can cause an intimophobe to ask for help from specialists.

But if a person suffering from intimophobia still decides to visit a specialist, believe me, psychologists and psychotherapists have something to offer them to help overcome the problem.

1. There are methods of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy that will help an intimophobe to stop being afraid of a serious relationship. It is possible that the person’s partner will have to take the most active part in the treatment if he (she) still believes in the possibility of correcting the character of the beloved (beloved).
2. In addition to psychotherapy, antidepressants can be recommended that will increase the level of serotonin in the body, which at the physical level somewhat reduces the manifestation of fear - palpitations, rapid breathing, sleep disturbance, and changes in blood pressure.

It should be noted and the consequences that may threaten intimophobia. One day there will come an age in which sexual joys with new partners become difficult, cease to bring joy. By this time, children usually grow up in children, grandchildren appear. Intimophobes remain on the threshold of old age in splendid isolation, they suffer from the absence of the usual bursts of adrenaline, they can get carried away with alcohol and drugs. They feel like outcasts, misunderstood, unloved, but mind you, even in this lonely unhappy state they do not revise beliefs and continue to assure that “love does not exist”, “all women are fools”, and “all men are villains”. Therefore, it is very important to admit to yourself in time that there is a problem and it must be solved. It is good if there is a close person who is ready to help and share all the difficulties of this treatment.