Etiquette: what it is and main types

A modern person regularly encounters various acute and complex life situations that require an instant, and most importantly, a correct reaction. Family, social, business, economic, political relations depend on knowledge of generally accepted norms of behavior. If a person does not know how to behave correctly, out of ignorance or intentionally, his business reputation suffers, family life bursts at the seams.

Etiquette is a regulation of behavior that affects different areas of human relationships (communication, clothing culture, national traditions, business relations).

Etiquette as a historical phenomenon combines the ethical and aesthetic aspects of our existence.

Even with the primitive communal system, specific norms of behavior for each group of the community began to be developed: men engaged in food production and protection from enemies, women fired and raised children, elders passed on knowledge and accumulated new ones. The oldest code of conduct can be called Chinese “Book of historical traditions”, which tells about the basic human qualities: courage, loyalty, wisdom, philanthropy, veneration of elders.

Centuries passed, more and more new customs arose, mores changed. All this merged into a single concept of "etiquette." There are many different definitions of this concept. The most common says that etiquette is a set of rules of conduct in society.

Interestingly, for many, “ethics” and “etiquette” are identical concepts. In general, this is true; the meanings of words are closely related. However, the word etiquette is of French origin, and ethics (ethika from ethos is a habit, temper) is Greek. “Etiquette” translates as “note, label.” In France, this word meant a note - a protocol of ceremonial actions.

In Russia, the first etiquette guide appeared under Peter I, who had cut a window into Europe. He was a straightforward man, he didn’t particularly stand on ceremony with the boyars, and therefore the collection of rules of conduct at court represented rather crude instructions. Introducing the Western manner of behavior, dress, appearance, the king himself strictly and persistently monitored the implementation of these rules.

It is enough to recall his strict law on beards. And in 1709, Peter I issued a decree according to which any person who violated etiquette was subject to punishment. Subsequently, the Empresses Elizabeth and Catherine II more selectively approached the preparation of court etiquette, choosing such rules that suited the peculiarities of the national color of Russia. Since this vast empire swept Eurasia, the opposites of West and East intertwined in it. More than three centuries have passed, and these differences remain to this day.

Modern etiquette is a symbiosis of the traditions of all peoples from antiquity to the present day. Now that we have the opportunity to communicate with foreigners or to be abroad, it is important not only to know the language of the interlocutor, but also to navigate the national traditions, so as not to get into a stupid position and not to cause a serious insult due to ignorance.

Modern etiquette is an important component of the external culture of a single individual and society as a whole. However, there are professions in which this concept becomes dominant. It is primarily about the diplomatic service workers, politicians, cultural figures, as well as businessmen, scientists.

Today in the world of modern technologies and operational media, any incorrect statement or failed behavior can instantly become public not only national but also worldwide.

We carry out many etiquette rules automatically. A person who thinks about what to do right every second will find himself in the situation of an old man who was once asked the question: “Where do you hide your beard when you fall asleep? ". Never hitherto tormented by this question, the unfortunate man missed himself without sleep, choosing where to hide his beard. Therefore, you should not recall the rules of etiquette every minute, but know them so well as to communicate without thinking about the correctness of your actions and words.

Etiquette has certain features:

• It contains the universal rules of conduct transmitted through the centuries. And every educated citizen knows the usual rules of courtesy.
• Etiquette reflects the characteristics of any ethnic group: customs, traditions, rituals.
• Etiquette is a complex system of symbols and gestures that convey information and express attitude to the addressee. You can pat on the shoulder a good friend, but not a high-ranking official. A man gets up if a woman enters, expressing her respect for her. Gestures, head movements, and eye movements are important during business negotiations or diplomatic visits.
• The rules of behavior have developed historically, they are not absolute, but rather local in nature. If in one country when meeting a stranger it is customary to politely bow, then in another - to kiss violently. Both that, and another will be considered as the norm accepted in the given concrete environment.

• Etiquette characterizes the prevailing system of values ​​in a given country. With its help, you can determine the relationship between people (close and not very, friendly or hostile). The location of people during various events (solemn, mourning) gives an idea of ​​the equality (or class) of those present. For example, in Russia, from time immemorial, the most dear people were seated on the “upper” (best) place."Lower" was left to the least honored guests. It is enough to recall any meeting, conference: important guests take their place on the podium, sitting face down in the hall.

• Etiquette is conditional in nature, its standards offer such behaviors that can organize productive communication and increase mutual understanding. In addition, it is a manifestation of human morality. The inner world of a person also has an aesthetic component, not without reason they say: “A beautiful phrase, a beautiful gesture.”

To use the rules of behavior in practice is not only necessary, but also possible, since it is more convenient in relation to oneself and others.

Etiquette is changing under the influence of new time, new requirements. It is impossible to remember all the rules of behavior, but, fortunately, this is not required. It is important to understand the main principles of etiquette and put them into practice:

• The principle of humanism.
• The principle of expediency of action.
• Aesthetic behavior.
• Respect for the traditions of your country and other countries.

The principle of humanism embodies the moral side of etiquette and includes certain requirements for the culture of interpersonal communication: politeness, modesty, tolerance.

Politeness is a multifaceted concept with many shades: this is the correct politeness, and delicacy, courtesy. “Accuracy is the politeness of kings,” as well as an important characteristic of the etiquette of many countries.

The following principle characterizes the ability to behave correctly in a completely new, unfamiliar environment or non-standard situation. Anyone can be in a situation where he simply does not know the specific rules of behavior. Here upbringing, a culture of behavior, a sense of humor, the ability to transfer existing knowledge to a new communication situation will come to the rescue.

Beautiful behavior is another important principle on which etiquette is based. An untidily dressed man, with a smell of alcohol, with a sullen expression on his face or laughing wildly, with a pretentious and squeamish look, nodding or rustling rustling candy wrappers from the theater causes irritation and fear.

Each nation carefully preserves its traditions, created over the centuries, and is sensitive to their observance. The most ideal manners and beautiful appearance will not save from condemnation of a person who does not taste the loaf presented by the Slavs, or who stubbornly catches the sight of a Muslim.

In addition, there are several more principles that relate to a greater degree to business etiquette, but whose knowledge does not hurt anyone:

• the principle of subordination dictates the behavior of employees, how they should appeal to their superiors, welcome them. In recent years, he has softened significantly against the backdrop of a new management style - participatory (from eng. Participate - to participate);
• the principle of parity is to achieve equal positions, regardless of the position held, length of service.

The variety of types of modern etiquette is impressive. Here are some of them:

General civil - a set of rules that citizens must observe when communicating with each other. It is divided into:

• speech;
• festive;
• conversation etiquette;
• dining room;
• professional.

• Religious - suggests how to behave in religious buildings and communicate with worshipers.
• “Weekend” etiquette - governs behavior in places of public importance: museum, theater, restaurant, exhibition, cinema.
• The rules of everyday (unofficial) etiquette suggest how to behave in ordinary life, communicate with people on the street, in transport.
• Wedding - the rules relating to the wedding ceremony, dresses, invitations, decorations, flowers, festive banquet.The groom, the bride and the witnesses are constantly under the gun of video and photo equipment, so they need to look and behave accordingly. But guests must adhere to the rules of conduct at the wedding table.

• Family - determines intra-family relations between spouses, children, immediate relatives.
• Mourning (sad) - the customs and traditions of the ceremony of farewell to the deceased. There are a lot of nuances in this type of etiquette, and each nation has its own special traditions. The Slavs consider mourning black, while the Japanese consider white. Tatars bury people in a carpet or fabric, while many Europeans in a coffin.
• Sports - the rules of conduct for coaches, athletes, fans, as well as relationships within the team and between teams.
• Traveler etiquette is the norm of a tourist’s behavior in a foreign country, within the framework of which ensuring his safety, maintaining a good image of his country and showing respect for the national traditions of the host country.

• Secular etiquette - rules that reflect the behavior of a polite member of society, his respect for others, demonstrating personal virtues.
• Courtier - Regulates the behavior of the royal court in monarchy countries.
• Military - a collection of statutory and general rules for military personnel in all spheres of their activity and location: unit, ship, public places.
• Gender informs about the rules of behavior in connection with the differentiation of male and female roles in society.

• Business etiquette considers the basics of behavior in the field of doing business: organizing business meetings, presentations, handling business cards, features of business correspondence and telephone conversations, rules for presenting gifts.
• Corporate etiquette provides a list of rules that are observed by employees of one firm in relations with each other and with other organizations.
• Diplomatic. 90% of the work of a diplomat is knowledge of etiquette, he must know how to behave properly at various receptions, official events, negotiations, meetings, thoroughly navigate the traditions of the country in which he is located.

• Service. It determines the behavior of participants in the service sector: those who provide them, and those who receive them.
• Network (netikette or Netiquette) - rules of conduct for communication participants using electronic gadgets on the network. There are several golden rules of network communication, in particular, do not forget that you communicate with a living person, so you must adhere to the same standards as in reality. For example, do not write what I could not say in person. Do not get involved in conflicts and do not create them - the rule is often violated by the so-called "trolls", but a well-educated person will not do this.
• Hence the rules of electronic correspondence - business and private.

I would like to put knightly etiquette and ballroom apart. These codes of practice were developed several centuries ago, they have not fundamentally changed, but in the modern world they are used in narrow circles.

The chivalry that arose in the 11th century had a significant impact on the life of Europe, including etiquette. Noble young men were ordained to the knights, who were instructed to perform many peculiar rituals: choosing a lady of the heart and worshiping her, serving the lord, participating in tournaments, knighting, taking vassals. The Knight's Code demanded that he strictly abide by all the rules, for even the slightest deviation from them threatened with a loss of honor. No wonder the knightly motto was the words: “Life is for the king ... honor is for nobody! ".

The destiny of the knights was to protect the weak, to respect everyone around, to fight only with a strong opponent, not to allow cowardice even in thoughts, to have an iron will. Now, in various role-playing games and reconstruction games, participants, recreating the era of the Middle Ages, turn to knightly etiquette.

Ball etiquette is a special set of rules that have not changed for centuries. It includes not only ballroom dresses (a long dress with bare shoulders for a lady, a tuxedo (dress coat) and black shoes for cavaliers), a culture of behavior at the ball, knowledge of all dance figures, but also the design of ballrooms, a buffet. Snow-white gloves that were never removed were considered an important accessory: for ladies - silk, above the elbow, for men - like or suede.

An important detail of the lady's toilet was a fan. Even the secret language of signs for lovers was invented, signals were given by this elegant fan. For example, a married lady signaled: “I am married! », Opening the fan and brushing it off from the annoying boyfriend. A fully open fan said: “You are my idol! ".

Etiquette as a regulation fulfills certain functional duties:

• Contact-installer - encourages people to communicate.
• Maintaining contact - a well-mannered person will always find something to talk about in a particular society, except for the weather. Forbidden topics for discussion with strangers: marital and financial status, political and religious views, physical disabilities of the interlocutor.
• Creating a respectful and comfortable atmosphere of communication.
• Regulatory function, or division according to castes, estates, position in society. Such rules were especially strictly followed in the East.
• Preventive - compliance with etiquette rules helps prevent conflicts.
• Informational - rules of behavior tell people how to behave in a given situation.
• Standardization - this function is more appropriate in business etiquette and lies in the fact that the set of rules standardizes the behavior of all members of the team.
• Identities with others - knowing how the majority will act in a certain situation, a person will not be confused and will not feel like a stranger.
• Educational - they develop positive personal qualities in children and youth.
• Accumulation and transfer of knowledge - a person studies and passes on the accumulated experience from generation to generation.

In one of the interviews, the legendary Jack Nicholson noted that he is extremely sensitive to the implementation of countless etiquette rules, since their main goal is to make our life more comfortable.

Indeed, a well-mannered person looks much more attractive than someone who wipes his nose with his fist, champs loudly in public or talks on the phone in the midst of the play.

Consider the basic rules of good form in Russia, as well as foreign countries:

• From early childhood, everyone is taught the important rule - do not pick your nose in public, do not scream too loudly, do not itch.
• Address strangers to “you”.
• Use politeness in speech.
• Do not look at the other person intently or from underneath.
• Do not say those things behind the back of a person that you cannot say in person.
• Be punctual.
• To be able to restrain both wild enthusiasm and boiling anger.
• Always fulfill the promise.

• Clothing and shoes should always be clean and tidy.
• It is not customary to pursue fashion if you run the risk of looking silly and absurd at the same time.
• You can’t put your mobile phone on the table in public places - thereby you disrespect others, showing how important this gadget is for you.
• Remember the secret of correspondence! Even if you are a parent, you have no moral right to read your child’s personal notes. The same goes for spouses.
• In the cinema, the circus always turn to face the seated, passing to their place.
• We decided to visit friends - be sure to call first! These rules are especially strictly observed in Western Europe. For example, in Germany you need to call in a week, reporting on your visit.And do not count on a richly laid table (as is customary among us Slavs) - crackers and canapes are considered the right treat for pedantic Germans.
• If you go with a companion, and he greeted a stranger, then you need to greet.

• When meeting the elder holds out his hand to the younger. They don’t greet a woman’s hand only if she did not initiate such a thing.
• When entering a room, always say hello first.
• A man always respects a woman.
• Follow the rules of conduct at the table.

Since etiquette regulates the rules of behavior and communication, it is very important to know how to make acquaintances. The man appears to be the first woman, the youngest represent the eldest. If you introduce those present, you must personally introduce each person.

The rules of conduct between a man and a woman must know and observe both sexes:

• The place of the cavalier on the street is to the left of the companion. Only the military is allowed to go on the right so that he can salute at any moment. A woman’s handbag is carried exclusively by the hostess.
• The man is the first to enter the restaurant, making it clear to the head waiter that he will pay.
• A man should get up if a woman leaves the table.
• A man always helps a woman to sit at a table in a car.
• If you want to smoke in the presence of a lady, you need to ask her for permission.
• A man lets her companion forward. The exceptions are stairs, elevator, basement.

Table etiquette implies the following rules:

• Sit at the table straight and do not put your hands on it. It is permissible to adhere to the edges of the table with your wrists.
• You need to eat with your mouth shut, not champing.
• Conversations are only relevant in between meals.
• Hands eat only bread, breaking it into small pieces.
• Use a knife and fork, the knife is shifted to the right hand to cut products. Do not cut with a table knife only pudding, scrambled eggs.
• If you are invited to an event, then it is completely unacceptable to be late.

• The rules of behavior in nature say: be sure to clean up the trash, as well as other people's garbage, if there is one nearby. Follow the rules of making fires, do not break the bird's nests, anthills, do not break branches and do not tear flowers. In a word, you are visiting nature, so take care of it!

Regardless of the country you are visiting, the following universal rules must be followed:

• Respect for religion, leadership, traditions, culinary.
• No need to draw parallels with their homeland.
• No criticism.
• Extreme punctuality.
• It is worth examining the banknotes of the country in which you are going, and also not boasting about your own finances.
• Always get up when playing the country's anthem. It is useful to repeat the actions of local residents.
• Do not wear national costumes without familiarizing yourself with their ritual significance.
• Pronounce the names correctly.

• Always show respect for elders.
• When taking unfamiliar food, it is not customary to refuse and find out what it is. It is better to grind the portion and try.
• Do not use the usual gestures (for example, a thumb raised up), in another country they can mean very offensive things.

The structure of national etiquette has its own specifics in different countries - traditions, special rules of behavior in society. What nuances you need to know in:

• England. Stiff British prefer to maintain a distance between the interlocutors and strictly observe table etiquette.
• USA. The essence of Americans is openness and affability. Smile more often and greet regularly, even if you greeted a person 15 minutes ago.
• France. Local residents are extremely punctual and expressive, gesticulate a lot. "Madame", "Monsieur" - appeals accepted for strangers.
• Of Spain. Siesta - an afternoon break - regulates the life of the Spaniards: they have breakfast after 13 hours, and business meetings after 22 hours. The invitation to breakfast should be politely declined twice, only from the third time it is accepted to agree. To kill a Spaniard is the height of disrespect.
• Arab countries. Arabs love long meetings and the same handshakes, but alcohol and pork do not favor. It is not customary to praise things in the house, because by tradition the owner should give this to his guest.

• Of india. In greeting, the Indians bow, clutching their left hand to their hearts. It is not customary to touch the interlocutor. For business meetings you need to wear bright things.
• China. Gifts are given to the Chinese only before departure, and crossed chopsticks are bad taste. Modesty is appreciated here, a tie is only appropriate at official events.
• Of Japan. Here it is customary to bow and exchange light handshakes as a sign of greeting. Never be late and do not look directly into the interlocutor's eyes! Always take off your shoes when visiting a restaurant. It is important to know that if a Japanese agrees on words, this does not mean that it really is.

Speech and communication are verbal (speaking, listening, writing, reading) and non-verbal (facial expressions, gestures, posture). Scientists have found that the message sent in the language of movements is much more convincing. For example, if a person smiles only with his lips, keeping his stone face and ice in his gaze, they are unlikely to believe his assurances of sincerity of feelings.

As you know, you will not have a second chance to make a first impression. Psychologists have calculated that for drawing up a definite opinion about a stranger, two to four minutes are enough for us. Therefore, you should know several important rules so that you always leave a positive impression of yourself, without even saying a word:

• When you communicate with a person, especially a foreigner, try to gesticulate less. Italians and Spaniards may appreciate the active hand movements, but still you need to restrain yourself.
• Do not fold your arms over your chest and do not cross your legs - this is a way of psychological defense, an attempt to close yourself from others. Frowning eyebrows, drooping shoulders and bowed head, fingers, nervously compressed, are also signs of isolation.

• The gait should be elastic and confident, the back should be straight.
• A smile will make everyone brighter - both to you and your interlocutors. Unfortunately, in the vastness of our country, a smile addressed to a stranger is subconsciously perceived as a mockery. And for Europeans and especially Americans - this is a mandatory attribute.
• To position the interlocutor, you should slightly tilt your head to one side, copy his pose.
• Sitting on a chair, you can’t fall apart on it, pull armrests, curl around legs. It is not customary to cross legs; for women, the most appropriate posture is legs crossed at the ankles.

• Know-how for students and ordinary employees: while listening to a lecturer or supervisor, lightly nod to the beat of his words. Soon you will find that the speaker is speaking to you. This technique helps to stand out from other listeners.
• Eyes are a mirror of the soul, as well as a very expressive part of the face. A look can be expressed much more than words. Even the pupils are able to say a lot about feelings and experiences: they expand with joyful excitement, interest, narrow - with a gloomy mood, an attempt to lie.
• The intonation of the statement combines verbal and non-verbal communication and directly expresses the speaker's attitude to the information that he provides.

A clothing culture is just as important as a culture of behavior. The most important rule regarding clothing is that it should be clean and tidy. When choosing clothes, a person is guided by personal preferences, material capabilities and fashion trends.

Fashion has a significant impact on clothing choices, but should not be blindly followed. To look beautiful means to be dressed stylishly and tastefully, but not necessarily fashionably. For example, a girl who is dressed in a suit with a jacket a la Chanel and a skirt in a “goose foot” looks much more aesthetically pleasing than the one who wore fashionable fur slippers with a tracksuit.

In men's clothing, the greatest number of requirements are put forward in relation to the jacket pair. Any suit should fit well. Pay attention to the quality of the material, not fashion trends, since a really good suit is timeless. In a formal setting, a suit is always buttoned up, it is allowed to unfasten it, for example, at a table.

When choosing a color, pay attention to plain dull colors or a large cell. The shirt should peek 1.5 cm from under the jacket. The tie should always be darker than the shirt, but lighter than the color of the suit. Socks are matched to the color of the shoes, but in no case are white.

It is considered bad form to fill the pockets of trousers so that they are bristled. There they put a handkerchief, keys, a credit card. There is a place for other important things in the pockets of outerwear and a special men's bag.

In everyday life, etiquette requirements are not so stringent, it is allowed to use a semi-sports style for male teachers and managers. Youth is guided by personal tastes and belonging to a certain subculture.

Women are given great freedom in choosing fabrics and styles. However, the outfit must always be appropriate! The lady who went for bread to a nearby store in a fur coat and stilettos looks extremely ridiculous. As well as the young lady, who appeared in the opera in a tracksuit and "Sneakers".

General rules for the selection of clothes require consideration of face type and hair color, stripes on clothes are not suitable for everyone (transverse fattening, longitudinal - stretch the silhouette). For a business woman (office worker, teacher, student), teacher, too short skirt and trendy silhouettes are unacceptable. Colors should be chosen pastel, the costume itself should consist of several parts - a skirt + vest + blouse, trousers + jacket.

Shoes are comfortable, elegant, low heels. Tights are required at any time of the year! Hairstyle and makeup should emphasize natural beauty, perfumes - leave a light flair, and not the impression of a perfume store.

Conversation is not a simple dialogue. This is a meaningful exchange of thoughts between the participants of communication, requiring special skills. The conversation is relaxed and businesslike, when a certain issue is decided in advance.

In oratory, you need to exercise in order to get closer to the image of an ideal interlocutor who knows how to listen and speak on the topic.

The first rule of conversation is respect for the person you are talking to. All strangers over the age of 18 should be contacted by “you,” even if this person is younger. You can go to “you” with a friend by mutual agreement.

Watch your speech, its tempo-rhythmic characteristics. Too fast speech is incomprehensible, it makes you strain too much to isolate the necessary information from the rapid flow of words. Slowed-down speech with many pauses is tiring and quickly boring. You need to adhere to the middle ground: to speak clearly, clearly, quite loudly. It is interesting that the English speak exactly at that volume so that one person indoors can hear them:

• It is not customary to discuss in society topics that are incomprehensible to the majority, as well as purely personal and taboo.
• Do not pretend or exalt yourself beloved, trying to diversify the conversation - even if there is every reason for this.
• Even if the topic of the conversation is uninteresting, you don’t need to show it with all your might: rummage through your bag, yawn, twist your head around, examine the mobile phone.
• One cannot interrupt the narrator with rude remarks. A well-educated person will listen to the end, even if he hears a story for the hundredth time.
• It is better to start a conversation with the simplest topics: about the weather, about the holiday in honor of which we gathered, to tell an interesting story (just not a joke!) Or an instructive parable.
• And it is necessary to end the conversation on a positive note for further fruitful continuation of the acquaintance.

Countess Marie D etiquette workshop, see the next video.